If you are planning a wedding you will need the “wedding book.” No bride should be without this special piece of equipment. In fact, it is often the first thing the bride-to-be purchases.
Why a wedding book you ask? The wedding book will help you keep track of everything and I do mean everything!
Wedding planning means attention to detail. With the wedding book in hand the wedding planning will go more smoothly.
Start by choosing the right kind of wedding book for you. There are actual wedding binders and books made specifically for wedding planning. You can use a system of file folders or a notebook with pockets.
Next, you begin collecting all kinds of useful wedding information. You can make lists of things to do, phone numbers of caterers, florists, musicians and photographers. Be on the lookout for articles and photos of wedding dresses, cakes, floral arrangements and rings.
You will create a section in the wedding planner for each area you need to have covered. Wedding planning is much easier when you have every section at your fingertips for reference.
As you make phone calls and collect information you just put that bit of information in the appropriate section. You will be able to compare photos of wedding dresses, reception venues and hair styles. You will also have a place to keep records of your expenses and contracts.
Be sure to have a calendar and month by month list of things that need to be done. This will help keep your wedding planning on track.
Wedding planning will seem quite easy when you have an organized system. Take the wedding book or binder with you everywhere and wedding planning will seem quite effortless.
I am the source

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These guidelines will help you avoid the three most common negotiating mistakes couples make: 1) Failure to prepare before the negotiation with your partner; 2) Caving in too quickly to avoid tension or to keep the peace; and 3) Stubbornly pushing too hard for your own solution.
Why Learn to Negotiate with your Partner?
Conflict is inevitable for growth in your relationship. Many people are frightened of conflict because they can’t negotiate. Once you learn to negotiate you won’t be so afraid of conflict. Good negotiation leads to acceptable solutions that work for both of you and will strengthen your relationship. Your communication skills automatically improve as you develop good negotiating skills.
The Difference Between Negotiation For Couples and Other Negotiations
Negotiation with your partner can feel especially risky, because the amount of emotional self disclosure required is much higher for couples than in business. Also, the result may have life-altering consequences (like negotiating where to live).
Skills Required For Negotiating With Your Partner
Effective negotiation for complex problems requires lots of openness about yourself, curiosity about your partner’s issues and emotional risk. It also takes listening really well!
Some Things Cannot Be Negotiated
Core values, integrity, spirituality, feelings, attitudes and trust can not be negotiated.
Do your best to separate interests and concerns from values. You can negotiate your interests but not your core values or integrity. For example, it doesn’t work to say, “I’ll give up my spiritual beliefs for you.”
The Only Things You Can Really Negotiate Are Behavior And Decisions
You can negotiate what action someone will take and when they will do it, or you can negotiate a solution to a problem of disagreement.
How To Prepare To Negotiate
Ask yourself how you aspire to be during the negotiation. For example, calm, open, flexible, honest, understanding, curious. By following the guidelines you set for yourself, you will more easily focus on a successful outcome. This is an often overlooked aspect of negotiation. Staying conscious of your own guidelines will help keep you centered and focused. Write your guidelines on a piece of paper and keep glancing at them during the negotiation. You will come across like an experienced negotiator simply by staying consistent with your own guidelines.
Before you start the negotiation, quietly reflect on the following questions:
What do I want? Why do I want it and why is it important?
How important is this to me?
To get what I want, what will I need to do and what will my partner need to do?
If I get most of what I want what is the positive and negative effect on my partner?
How can I make it easier for my partner to say yes?
However, it may be difficult for my partner to give me most of what I want because _________________________________________________________________.
I may be able to increase the benefits to my partner by _________________________.
I may be able to decrease the downside to my partner by ______________________.
Add other relevant information that has not been suggested here.
You don’t need to answer every question and complete every statement sequentially in a dialogue with your partner. But as you get mentally clear about these issues it will make it easier to conversationally express your concerns and desires.
Start By Stating the Area of Disagreement
It is important to describe the issue as disagreement instead of as a problem. It is very difficult to say “The problem is ___________” without blaming your partner or yourself. This actual or implied blame leads to a defensive reaction from one or both parties. The negotiation then begins to slip like a house built on loose gravel.
State the disagreement in the form, “We seem to disagree about _______________.”
Then take turns expressing what your concerns and desires are about the disagreement.
Describe Concerns About the Subject
One person goes first and expresses all their concerns while the other listens without rebutting or defending anything. The response is simply to recap and check for understanding. It may also be necessary to ask questions for clarity.
Avoid leading questions that sound like Perry Mason, “Did it ever occur to you that…?”
Brainstorm Solutions
After each person has expressed all their concerns and desires, and each of you feels understood, then it is time for brainstorming solutions. Think of several possible solutions.
One partner proposes a solution
Make the suggested proposal in the following format:
Honey, what I suggest is _______________________________________________.
This suggestion works for me because ____________________________________.
This suggestion might work for you because _______________________________.
The Rationale For This “Formula”
It encourages being a good self advocate.
Simultaneously it forces you to consider your partner’s perspective and helps prevent the possibility of only stubbornly pushing your own desires.
The Other Partner Responds
If the partner agrees with the whole suggestion, then recap why it works.
If the partner does not agree then start with recapping the part that does work.
The part that does work is ________________________________.
The part that doesn’t work is ______________________________.
So my alternative suggestion is ____________________________.
This suggestion works for me because _______________________.
And it might work for you because __________________________.
Add value to your offers. Keep finding ways to make it easier for your partner to say yes.
Remember - this negotiation is only an experiment. Nobody is locked into a permanent solution. It is only for a period of time to see what if anything needs adjusting.
Repeat suggestions until agreement is reached.
Take Action
If action is appropriate, decide who will do what by when.
Decide for how long you will try this solution.
Evaluation
After the action phase come back and evaluate the results.
If things are fine, continue for another block of time.
Round Two, Three, Etc.
If it didn’t work out as well as hoped, each person begins by saying, “Honey, it didn’t work the way I hoped, but here is what I could have done differently.” Don’t start by stating what your partner should have done differently.
Then repeat appropriate steps above.
Don’t be discouraged if your first attempts at this new negotiation strategy are awkward. This is challenging territory for most couples. Keep trying, and you’ll improve. If you’d like more help on the subject, consider attending the weekend couples’ workshop “Coming from your Heart” to learn this approach along with a lot of other practical, innovative material for couples. It’s definitely easier to learn when you see demonstrations and role-plays. You’d even get to practice with a therapist helping you stay on track. For information or to register visit http://www.couplesinstitute.com/couples/pete_workshop.html.
Good luck, and may all your disagreements lead you to more lively collaboration.

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As a species, we are gradually moving from self-centered,
adversarial uses of power to collectively sharing power for
the mutual benefit of everyone. We are shifting from a
paradigm characterized by “me or them” to “me and them.”
We are lifting ourselves into the realm of co-creation.

It’s going to take more than good intentions for us to pull
this one off. We’re all going to have to learn to think and
behave differently in our business-as-usual routines.
We offer you the 5 Cs of co-creation as a map for your
exploration of this new and uncharted territory. Use
them in working with other people, deciding how to proceed,
and in resolving differences.

COMMITMENT - Set your intention by deciding together
what everyone wants to accomplish. Do you feel enthusiastic
about this? Do you talk about it together often? What
obstacles do you foresee, and how can you deal with them?

COMMUNICATION - Create the environment for successful
co-creation. Our relationships live in language, so
what we talk about and how we talk about it determines
the emotional climate of our relationships. Does your
communication style foster safety and creativity? Are
you communicating readily, honestly, and openly? Are
there things you are afraid to discuss that need to be
discussed? Are there any recurrent communication
breakdowns, and is there a strategy in place so they
can be avoided in the future? Does your communication
include acknowledgment and gratitude? Is everyone
giving effective feedback? Are you communicating your
unified purpose to others in inspiring and enthusiastic
ways?

COOPERATION - Cultivate the necessary attitude, where
working together is motivated by an inner passion, not
being forced by fear and the need to go with the flow
of others’ intentions. Are you able to find a common
path through adversity, or is it everyone for themselves
when the going gets tough? Are there any competing
egos vying for the spotlight at the expense of others?
Are you clear on the benefits of cooperation in this
creative endeavor? What is at risk if you don’t cooperate?

COLLABORATION - Use synergy so that everyone’s ideas
are vital to the whole. Are you able to express your
ideas freely, without fear of judgment or ridicule?
As a group, are you asking BIG questions that bring
forth the talent of everyone involved? Is the system
in which you are working set up to receive the
avalanche of creativity you can generate?

COORDINATION - Synchronize action. What’s the plan?
Does everyone have an overview of how all the different
parts are working together? Are you clear on individual
areas of responsibility and accountability? What are
the consequences, if any, for failure to perform?
How often and in what form (phone, meetings, e-mail)
do you need to communicate with one another in order
to coordinate effectively?

To invite and nurture the presence of all 5 Cs, we
have found it very helpful to use written agreements
that clarify the foundation of the co-creative
relationship. These are the ones we like to use,
and we offer them for your consideration.

Co-Creator Agreements

1. I agree to bring my passion and talent to our
collective endeavor.

2. I agree to speak the truth with compassion.

3. I agree to listen deeply and respectfully to others.

4. I agree to be responsible for my own needs, wants
and sense of being valued.

5. I agree to acknowledge others generously.

6. I will readily use our predetermined protocol for
resolving upsets in a way that fosters personal
responsibility and collective harmony.

7. I agree to use mistakes constructively and
practice forgiveness when called for.

8. I will strive to maintain trust and affinity
and restore them if they are damaged.

9. I agree to turn my complaints into requests and
communicate constructively to the person who can
do something about it.

10. I will refrain from negative gossip.

11. I agree to manage my agreements with others
in responsible and courteous ways.

12. I agree to encourage and be encouraged in
bringing out our individual genius.

13. I agree to nurture a soulful connection with
my fellow co-creators.

andcopy; 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright - All rights reserved.
You may publish this article in its entirety and
with the authors’ resource information intact.

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Just about everyone has experienced rejection. They say it is our biggest fear. I suppose much of that comes from our instincts in childhood since a child experiences rejection as life threatening. Nature programs us to avoid rejection, so that as kids we don’t die of starvation!
However, we may tend to carry this instinct (avoid rejection at all costs) over into our adult life in a way that does not help us create healthy relationships.
Lets have a looks at what ‘rejection’ means to an adult. Imagine I have tried to contact someone who did not respond in the way I hoped - or, who did not respond at all. When that happens I may feel ‘rejected’. But, what is that all about?
After all I don’t know what is going on with the other person. How they are behaving may have nothing it all to do with me. (It might, but I’ll come back to that later - see What if it is My Fault?).
I could tell myself various things about this ‘rejection’ depending on how I feel at that particular moment - especially if it is the third time it has happened this week. I might start to feel really bad about myself. However, there is another way I can handle it. There is a way in which even an apparent rejection can help build my self-esteem rather than damage it. It is all down to what I tell myself about the event.
The part in quotes is my initial response and the part that follows is how I explain it to myself.
‘They don’t like me.’ - but they don’t even know me. Best just to move on.
‘They don’t like what I said/wrote/did.’ - fair enough. Not everyone is going to like my style. I will learn what I can, but I will also move on.
‘They have lost faith in relationships at that moment’ - maybe, if so not much I can do about that. Best just to move on.
‘They are too busy’ - not much I can do about that either. Best just to move on.
‘They are a stuck-up %^and!’ - but I don’t even know them. I don’t know what they might be going through. Best not to be down on them, just to move on.
‘I did not really like them anyway’ - maybe, maybe not. I don’t know them. Best just to move on.
‘I am a terrible person. Nobody like me’ - nah! Not everyone likes me, but some folks do. Best just to move on.
‘I don’t know’ - I don’t know what is going on with that person. I probably never will. Best just to move on.
‘Nothing’ - that’s right. It may have nothing at all to do with me. Best just to move on.
You’ll notice in the above there is a discussion going on. One part (in quotes) expresses my gut reaction; the other part interprets the event and helps bring it to some kind of resolution.
Seeming rejection from other people is really only a problem if I have rejected myself. If I feel pained by a situation it is best that I listen to the part of me that feels the hurt and hear what is has to say. I can then think about what happened and explain it to myself. If I reject the hurt, then I am really rejecting myself, and that causes a lot more pain than anything.
What hurts is not what other people say or do, but what we tell ourselves about it.
How Many of Me are there?
It may seem strange idea at first that one part of use needs to explain things to another part of us. Yet, it works. It works really powerfully too. Sometimes I need to do it a number of times, but often I find this approach of getting into a discussion with myself creates a shift in mood, or attitude, really fast.
It this still seems strange to you, consider the alternatives. I can ignore how I feel and pretend it didn’t happen. I can go into hiding till I feel ready to contact other people again. Those are not useful alternatives, are they?
Also, I can lie to myself and tell myself that I did not really want anything to do with that person anyway. I can medicate my feelings through; drugs, alcohol, watching TV, being busy, obsessive behavior, and so on. Of course, lots of people do that. But, it does not really work. We want to do what works. Don’t we?
If we don’t deal with an issue and handle the pain, like grown ups, we end up having to hide or run away. That just causes us a lot more pain in the long run.
Having a good internal conversation is far better, far healthier and a lot more fun, than the alternatives. There is nothing to be gained by repressing our feelings and moods, or by letting them spill out in harmful ways. It’s best just to have a ‘conversation’ with them.
I have had some hilarious (and very enlightening) conversations with myself while alone driving along in my car. I have found out things myself that I never even knew and in the process cleared up some long standing personal issues - and even some health problems!
In fact a good sign that you have got a handle on dialoging with yourself is when you find yourself being surprised by what comes up. There is a wonderful, beautiful authentic person in there. Why not get to know you? Not just the bit that society made, but the bit that God made. Most of us have only traveled a short way into tapping into our real potential.
What if it is My Fault?
The whole point of all this is: we can only have a healthy relationship with other people if we have a healthy relationship with ourselves. We can’t abandon ourselves and expect everyone else to welcome us.
If I have such a low opinion of myself that I don’t pay constructive and healthy attention to myself when I am hurt by something why should anyone else? If I don’t give serious attention to what I really enjoy in life, then who will?
If I keep looking to someone else to fill the gap (and only expect life to get better that way) then I have rejected and abandoned part of myself. If I abandoned part of myself then what I get is a gnawing feeling of abandonment and isolation.
There is a difference between feeling lonely and just being on my own. When I feel lonely it feels like nobody is there. When I am on my own (but not lonely) at least I am present - and paying positive attention.
How does it feel to have someone avoid you all the time? It feels horrible. And, that is how I feel when I avoid myself. That is how any person, who avoids themselves, ends up feeling. Self-avoidance is what causes much of the ’social medication’ we see around us (drugs, alcohol, obsessions, addictions, etc). If you want to get over an addiction try being genuinely kind to yourself for a while. Love is always the greatest healer.
The most attractive type of person is a person who has a life. Doing the things we love to do is part of what makes us interesting to others. It is also the best way to meet people.
There is no point postponing leading the most enjoyable life we can till the ‘right’ person comes along. When it gets down to it, we are the person who can do the most to make us happy. Besides, isn’t being on the road to happiness a good place to meet the right person?

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Taking a girl out on a date already says a lot. But this whole business is not just about seducing someone. You must gain the confidence and trust of the person sitting at the other end of the table. More than that, you must make her feel good in your presence and even want more. How to do this? Simple! When you’re not flirting with her just let her take control for a while.
Always keep in mind that women’s favorite subject is themselves. This little “bug” in their software gives men a big advantage in a conversation and that is curiosity. Yet, only few use it because of the misconceptions surrounding curiosity in general. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but when a conversation between a man and a woman is concerned, I don’t think it ever hurt anyone. What I’m trying to say is that if she says something that makes you curious… just ask her! This will tell her that you are interested in her person. Nevertheless, watch out for those not so discreet questions that could turn you into a cat and get you killed.
Another thing most men forget is that women, even the prettiest, disregard themselves. If you discovered something about her that you really like make sure she can feel your admiration. This rule applies to anything from the color of her eyes to the way she back-parked her car for example. Still, try to use original ways to make compliments and remember that you’ll receive the most “points” for cherishing her intelligence.
Always listen to her when she talks! Sounds too obvious? Maybe, but the key thing is that it counts less if you’ve been really listening to her as long as she thinks you weren’t. Therefore you can use several tricks like saying confirmation phrases (”I see”, “yes” etc.) showing that you’re following her. Just don’t do it so much that she mistakes you for her shrink. Re-telling what she just said is another useful skill as long as you don’t abuse it. You simply rephrase what she said and she’ll know you got the point. Nevertheless it can be very annoying if you overuse it.
And, as I mentioned earlier, when she makes you curious about something just ask her! This proves you were listening in the first place. The same happens when you make a compliment based on something she just said.
But curiosity can also be used whenever you run out of topics in a conversation. Every woman is curious by nature so all you have to do is to stir her curiosity and forget all about you running out of interesting subjects or her getting bored.

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Have you been only dating people from your own ethnic background, to find that no matter what you try, there just seems to be no spark or real passion occurring in the relationship? Are you just about ready to give up on finding a soul mate? Well before you lose all hope in the dating world, you may want to try exploring dating someone who comes from a different culture than you. Who knows, you may just discover that a multicultural relationship is what you need to discover that special spark you’ve been searching for.
One of the best ways that you can explore your dating options, without having to worry about pressures from friends or family, is to join an online dating community, such as Love Empire, which is designed to bring you close to those who share the same interests as you, regardless if they are black, white, Eurasian and so on.
Love Empire allows you the chance to really explore the beauty of the multicultural dating world with no strings attached, and no outside judgments interfering with your choices. In this online dating community the only opinion that matters when it comes to dating is your own. Therefore, listen to you heart, trust your feelings and use your common sense to decide what’s best for you. Besides, the whole point to dating is to have fun, and to enjoy the company of the person you choose to be with.
There is true potential in being apart of a multicultural relationship in today’s society, as these relations have really become a more common and accepted part of Western culture. Because of this, blacks, whites, Eurasians and other ethnic groups have more reason to mix together than any other time in history. For instance, it has been estimated that in Britain alone, over 30 percent of black men are either living with or are married to white women, and over 20 percent of black women are living with or married to white men. When you stop to think about that, it’s truly beautiful to know that something such as multicultural relationships has grown from a small minority and become common and socially recognized.
Don’t be afraid to believe in love and companionship, no matter what others may think of your interracial dating. Remember, the most important ingredient to any relationship is love. No force on this Earth is greater than that of love, and once you find it gender, age, race, and religion are nothing more than small details that add to the beauty of the individual you love.

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Relationships, love and in particular jealousy and present each of us
with a unique opportunity to better understand ourselves. Jealousy
is most often the result of attachment and expectations, beliefs,
projections, delusions, envy, guilt and low of self-esteem.

What do you do when you’re jealous? You may try to find out if your
lover has been with someone else. If he or she has, you might go
into a rage. It is a fairly common and immediate response. You are
angry. You feel violated. You want revenge. You want to stop what
is happening, control the situation, and manipulate whatever you can
to protect yourself.

If you can cool down, if you can control this internal, knee jerk
reaction, you just might discover that you have an alternative.
Often, what feels like jealousy really is a lack of communication.
When we leave our needs unspoken, they can lie in wait like a
crouching tiger until someone, something or some event exposes them.
It is essential to communicate very clearly and explicitly with your
partner about your needs and expectations.

It is important to understand the distinct difference between loving
and being attached. It is an important distinction because so
frequently what we call love is really attachment.

Loving someone means loving the uniqueness of that person.
Attachment is quite different. You can love your partner and want to
see them thrive, enjoy, and grow. You want to see them become more
of who they are. That’s the truth of love. On the other hand, you
may want your partner conform to a preconceived idea of what you
think they should be or perhaps to what is convenient or comfortable
for you. That is Attachment. This is a distinction that needs to
be understood before you can understand your relationship or what
needs to be done.

If your relationship is based on Attachment, you will quickly
discover and experience the pain of jealousy. Our life, our
surroundings and the people around us mirror what is going on inside
us. If you are angry, you will find yourself living in an angry
world. You will see the anger in all the people around you and you
will feel it. Perhaps in your situation it isn’t anger, but instead
it is depression or fear or jealously. What you focus on is what you
get. Wouldn’t it be far more enjoyable to feel and focus on joy,
happiness, fulfillment and love?

Mirrors are a good thing because they give us an opportunity to
observe what is going on in ourselves and take care of it. Whatever
illusions you may have as to who is to blame or who is at fault, the
jealousy is within you, a mirror of what is going on inside you.

Attempting to manipulate and control your lover is a poor solution.
Manipulation of your partner is an external attempt to “fix” an
internal problem. Looking inward, you can use the situation that
caused the jealousy to bubble up into your consciousness as an
opportunity to clarify communication between the two of you, to
better understand yourself and your partner.

Jealousy is like an onion, layers of misunderstanding, misperceptions
and misleading which can be overwhelming and so difficult that it
makes you cry. When you attempt to blame and control your partner,
you refuse to acknowledge that these layers are within you. If you
work at peeling off the layers, you can reach the core of the
problem, you can achieve the possibility of self-understanding and
freedom from the hurt and pain.

The first layer is your subconscious ideas and feelings about how one
is supposed to act in a relationship. What do you believe and where
does this belief come from? Do you believe that your partner is your
possession? Can one person actually be the possession of another?
Should they be? If you believe that you must possess the other
person, then you are not in a loving relationship. Whatever control
you think you exert over your partner, you cannot really touch the
inner uniqueness that comprises a human being. You may occasionally
control your partner, but you cannot make a person love you.

As you continue to go deeper inside you reveal even more layers of
this “onion” including projection, envy and guilt. By peeling away
these layers, you can reach awareness. Projection, envy, and guilt
are nothing more than pointers to the truth behind your feelings.
Becoming aware of what you are actually feeling and discovering the
source behind it can give you the power to alleviate the pain. If
you can reveal the true feelings, separate them from the perceived
jealously, it is possible to relieve the pain.

If you would like to read this article in its entirety, visit
www.newhynotherapy.com and remember, you do not need to experience
jealously. You do not need to control another and you do not need to
be afraid. You can choose to move away from those feelings. You can
experience love itself deeper and deeper within its own fullness.

Linda Simmon, C.Ht.

Notice: All contents of this article are andcopy; Copyright 2003,
NewBeginnings.

This article may be reprinted, reposted or republished in any format
or forum, without prior consent, provided it is given away for free,
all links and notices are kept intact, and that proper credit is
given for authorship.
In the event you are reading this article from a third-party website,
you may subscribe to our newsletter for free at:
http://www.newhypnotherapy.com/ .

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February has long been known as the month of romance, and throughout our country loved ones often exchange cards, gifts, candy and flowers as a means of expressing their love.
February 14th however, when we celebrate the holiday known as Valentine’s Day, is when most of these gifts and expressions of our love are exchanged. But how did this mysterious tradition begin?
The holiday is both a Christian and ancient Roman tradition that is indeed very mysterious. The original Valentine’s day can be traced back to the Catholic Church which began a feast day, said to be in honor of its patron saint named Valentinus or Valentine.
But how St. Valentine became associated with this lovers holiday has long been a matter of debate, and there are many legendary stories explaining the connection.
One of the most popular stories takes place during the third century in Rome. The ruling Emperor Claudius II had decided single men made better soldiers, and outlawed marriage so he could build a better crop of soldiers. A young priest by the name of Valentine defied the decree, and continued to marry young lovers in secret, and when Claudius discovered this he ordered that Valentine be put to death.
Legend does credit Valentine with actually sending the first valentine. The story claims he had fallen in love with a young women, who had been visiting him while he was in prison. It is alleged that he sent her a letter which he signed “From Your Valentine”.
Another story suggests that while attempting to help Christians escape from the deplorable Roman prisons, where they were often tortured and beaten, he was killed.
We will never know the full truth about the Valentine legends, although there is no doubt about his heroic and romantic appeal.
Valentine was definitely one of the most popular saints in England and France during the middle ages.
It wasn’t until the 19th century when British settlers arrived that Valentine’s Day was was introduced to North America. Today, according to (Hallmark Research) 192 million Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged annually. This is in addition to the millions of flowers, boxes of candy and assorted gifts exchanged by lovers on this day. The day has come to be associated with the greeting “Happy Valentine’s Day”
Valentine’s Day is celebrated on February 14th every year. It gives you the opportunity to show a friend or lover, how much you care, by giving them a gift of love and sharing this lovely tradition with them.

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You know the feeling. You close the door behind you and let out a big sigh. It didn’t go well. In fact, it was a disaster.
First dates are stressful even when everything goes right. When you or the other person messes up, a couple hours can seem like an eternity. But after the date is over, what you do next can etch the bad experience into your mind or help you overcome it. Here are some things you can do to recover from a disastrous first date.
1. Forgive yourself.
Most of us, when under stress, do things we wouldn’t normally do. If you talked too much–or not enough–if you laughed too much, if you overreacted to some statement, or if you behaved in a way that was out of character for you, don’t beat yourself up. We’re often harder on ourselves than we would be on another person. Show some compassion toward yourself. Acknowledge that you did the best you could under the circumstances. Admit that it’s natural to feel nervous on a first date. Remember that nobody is perfect, and if you didn’t act like you should have, it isn’t the end of the world. Be kind to yourself by not falling into the self-punishment trap. It’s important to recognize that negative reaction and cut it off as quickly as possible. If you can’t seem to be objective about it, talk it over with a trusted friend.
2. Forgive the other person.
If you’re a decent judge of character, you can usually tell when someone was motivated by nervousness or lack of confidence. Just as you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, you shouldn’t beat up the other person either. By taking for granted that first dates usually don’t go well, you take a big step forward in emotional maturity. Some people approach first dates with the idea that they’re something to get over with and put in the past. The anxiety of trying to impress the other person frequently causes something to go wrong. Unless the other person was abusive or rude, they deserve a second chance.
3. Be prepared to move on.
If you did something awkward or that warrants an apology, sending flowers is a polite thing to do. And yes, men love to receive flowers! But be prepared if the other person doesn’t wish to see you again, then don’t pester them. Unwanted pursuit of another person is stalking. No matter how much you like the other person or are attracted to them, stop it. You’ll only embarrass yourself or get in trouble with the law.
4. Don’t let the experience affect your self-confidence.
See yourself as a worthwhile, attractive person. You have many good qualities, and just because this person didn’t recognize them, that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else out there who can. If the other person doesn’t want to see you again, they represent only their opinion, not everyone’s of the opposite sex. A person who believes in himself or herself exudes an attractiveness that can’t be faked.
5. Look for the lesson.
You are a work-in-progress. Wisdom is the sum of knowledge and experience, so take those two and figure out what you can learn from that first date. We all make mistakes, but if we’re wise, we won’t make the same mistake twice. Make up your mind to do things differently the next time, or if you weren’t to blame, decide not to feel guilty when things don’t work out. You deserve someone who will appreciate you for who you really are. Resolve, above everything else, to be kind, honest, and authentic. Eventually you’ll meet someone with those same qualities, and that’s when the real fun begins!

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“How do you know when you’ve met the right one?”
Almost everyone asks this question at some point in their lives; unfortunately, there are not too many who get a concrete answer. But if you’re reading this article, then you’re one of the lucky few.
Interestingly, the criteria for choosing a spouse can be boiled down to just four characteristics. If you can find somebody with all four then it’s highly likely that you’ve found your life partner.
1) What is This Person’s Core Values?
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure that they are fully committed to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard. Whether we realize it or not, everyone has some kind of core value that is central to their personality. And when push comes to shove, that value is going to be the most important thing in the world to that person.
For example: Jerry’s core value is adventure. When Jerry starts to date Diana, he happens to be volunteering at the local Emergency Room. He goes there every night, holds people’s hands, calms them down. And Diana’s thinking to herself that Jerry must have a heart of gold if this is how he’s spending his spare time. Now, Jerry might really have a heart of gold. But he’s volunteering because of his love for adventure. The ER is filled with action, it’s exciting. So right now,
Jerry’s adventurousness happens to be expressing itself in a kind way. But that could change. Jerry might stop volunteering, and start trying other adventures that Diana may find unpleasant, dangerous, or even unethical.
However, if Jerry’s core value is a commitment to goodness and caring, then everything he does will rotate around that, including his marriage. And Diana will be a very lucky woman if she marries him.
So how do you get to know the true Jerry? Surprisingly, it’s not that difficult. No matter what a person’s core value is, you will see him or her sacrificing for it on a daily basis. If Jerry’s core value is adventure, then he might risk an accident in order to speed through an intersection or arrive late at work because he followed a police chase. If Diana follows him carefully, she’ll see that he places adventure above other important things on his list of priorities.
But if Jerry’s core value is goodness, then Diana will see him give up on certain things in order to be kind. If the waiter mixes up his order, he’ll say thank you and eat the dish anyway. He’ll let the other guy cross the intersection first, or he might be late to work because he drove a little old lady home with her groceries. If Diana follows him carefully, then she’ll see him let go of some of his own desires in order to take care of other people.
So look for someone who is committed at the core to a higher set of values that you can appreciate.
2) Does This Person Treat Others Well?
Number two is obvious: You want to marry someone who is going to take care of you and treat you well. How to figure it out?
Simple. Spend time with this person, and pay attention to how they treat others whom they don’t necessarily care about because they’re not trying to charm them. Do they thank the attendant who pumped gas for them? Are they courteous to people at checkout counters? Do they curse out people who don’t deliver on time, like telephone operators or overworked waitresses? Do they tend to drive aggressively, as if there’s no one else on the road?
Ask yourself questions like these and take note of the answers - because they reflect characteristics that will come out down the line. Most people don’t guard themselves so carefully that they’ll hide how they treat others. So watch them, and you’ll know how they’re going to treat you after you’re married.
3) Do We Communicate Well With Each Other?
In other words, make sure that you understand each other. This may seem obvious, but it’s not. Sometimes you can see a couple in a fight and they argue for an hour, two hours, maybe even overnight. And then, at the end of round 16, it turns out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding: “Oh, I thought you meant that…That’s not what you meant? Oh, then we agree.”
Although on an occasional basis this can happen to anyone, if it’s happening constantly then it’s not a good sign because that may not change. If you’re constantly misunderstanding each other, then you might want to put this relationship on hold for a while.
4) Are We Physically Attracted to Each Other?
Physical attraction is an essential part of marriage. You cannot marry someone if you aren’t physically attracted to them. And while men arrive at this conclusion somewhat quickly, women should give themselves some more time. Very often, a woman may not feel attracted to a man initially, but after she gets to know him she finds him much more attractive than before.
A word of caution: Although physical attraction is essential, you can’t base a marriage on physicality. Whatever is going on physically is meant to be an expression of something deep that is happening on the emotional and spiritual level.
The rule is - make sure that physical attraction is there, but don’t get swept away by it. The other three characteristics are just as important, if not more so.
So there you have it. The next time you date someone, put what you’ve learned here into practice. It’ll save you a lot of time and heartache, and you might find yourself walking down the aisle faster than you think.

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