Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our self worth is
a concept that we all can relate to? Sacrificing what our
thoughts, emotions, decisions, and likes or dislikes are, for
the betterment of someone else’s.
It is as if depending on the other person who you hold so
high is more fulfilling then standing alone, independent of
the other. It’s root resides in a past when a person didn’t
realize they really had wings that could fly. Therefore, for
fear of abandonment, they suppressed their own self worth,
avoided confrontation, and then continued to please who
they were dependent upon.
In contrast, the counterdependent person who has someone
codependent towards them, is pretending that they don’t
need anyone else and have concluded that people only need
them.
Both codependency and counterdependency are an internal
defense systems that shield and protect from past wounds
of abandonment. They both are dysfunctional and lead the
codependent person down a tattered road of unfulfillment
and eventually depression.
Perhaps, it could be said that all of us are, to some degree,
dependent upon others because, after all, we are social
creatures who inevitably need each other in some capacity.
However, when it saps your very core of enjoying the gift
of life God gave you, then the sun never rises and the
darkness only gets darker.
We came into this world alone and we will also leave that
way!
Inner strength comes from a true respect and love for
yourself, no matter what the situation or condition is.
Although, deep within many of our wounded souls, that
love is not strong and therefore self respect is not properly
attained.
This is where your deep-seated self-worth is obtained and
how you perceive yourself. In addition, it is the weakened
aura you emit to others see you that is not totally erect, but
somewhat wilted.
Many of our true societal problems, whether they are
insecurity, control issues, codependency, addictions,
manipulative personality disorder, seclusion, or simple
anger, stemmed from a lack of self love, self worth, and
self respect.
Hence, people replace one problem for the another!
If you are lonely inside and do not feel as though you can
love the real you, then any and all subsequent relationships
will feel that same inner turmoil until your inside is truly
loved!
These social problems listed above can intertwine,
commingle and cross each other’s boundaries in a very
insidious manner.
There is not one issue more serious than the other, they are
more or less on an equal plane and being dependent on
another, is certainly no exception.
By not allowing one’s self-worth to be determined by
another’s perceptions, by not feeling that being loved by
another is conditional on living up to the expectations of
others, or merely pleasing them, is absolutely critical to
healthy functioning!
Taking full accountability for the way you feel instead of
others making that discerning determination allows you to
be self dependent, kicks out the crutch, and makes you
stand alone.
As scary as that may seem to some, it is by far the best way
to perceive your self-worth. Trusting that you can own
your own emotions, whether they are anger, happiness,
setting boundaries, or leaving, is how we can come to the
serene life we always dreamed of as a child.
These decisions and self-adjustments for the better can be
made! It takes a personal acceptance and a subsequent love
for yourself: then the fragile person previously tethering by
a string, is now firmly tied unto itself, immersed in self
confidence and independent, not codependent.
–by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
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from a ‘Logical’ standpoint.
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Technorati tags: self others person love dependent
Are you tired of looking for love without success? If so, the layout, furnishings, and energy of your home and bedroom could be part of the problem. When the areas of your home affecting your love life are cluttered, missing from your floor plan, or suffering from sha chi (harmful energy) it can be difficult to find and maintain a good relationship.
A key principle of feng shui is that everything is connected energetically. This means that your thoughts, feelings, and behavior are influenced by your surroundings. A dark, untidy bedroom contributes to an atmosphere of fatigue and depression, which in turn makes it harder for you to find the energy to clean the place up. In feng shui terms, it also undermines your ability to attract and maintain a joyful and fulfilling romantic attachment. Feng shui problems can even affect your reputation, make it harder to meet new people, and lead to increased arguments and miscommunication — all of which contribute to difficulties in your love life.
Improving your love luck with feng shui starts with understanding that attracting a partner is only part of the solution. For example, if a serious relationship has recently ended, you may need a period of healing and self-reflection before starting to date again, no matter how eager you are to connect with your next partner. Maybe you have no trouble finding dates, but can’t seem to meet the right kind of person. Or perhaps you’re seeing someone exclusively, but seem to be stuck just short of commitment.
Here are some quick ways you can apply basic feng shui principles to increase your chances of success in various stages of the relationship cycle:
When you need to recover from a break-up before moving on, your key task is to let go of the old relationship and reconnect with who you are as an individual. In feng shui terms, relics from past relationships - such as photographs, clothes, and mementos - hold you in the past. The stronger that old energy is, the harder it will be to move on to someone new. Remove anything that reminds you of a past failed relationship from your bedroom. This includes things that are out of sight in your closet, a dresser drawer, or under the bed. Pillows, mattresses, and bedding absorb your energy over time, so when a marriage or live-in relationship ends, it’s a good idea to buy new sheets and pillows and even a new mattress if you can afford it, to help you make a fresh start. New bedding is also a good idea if you have been single and lonely for a long time. Pamper yourself during this stage, and try to do at least one thing every day just because it makes you happy.
When you are actively looking for a partner, your key task is to create space for a new romance. If your closets, dresser drawers, and bathroom shelves are filled up with your own stuff, there is no room on an energetic level for someone new to come in. That’s why the best way to attract a new romance is to literally make space for it. Empty out at least one dresser drawer for your next partner’s clothes. Make space in the closet, in the bathroom cabinet, and on bookcase shelves. Start with your bedroom, then move on to the rest of the house. Is there room for another person’s DVDs and music in your CD rack? Where will your new sweetheart put his or her health supplements, exercise gear, notebook computer? Is there room for another car in your garage, or have you filled that space up with stuff? Make a list of all the areas of your home where your new partner might need some space, and try to free up at least 25 percent of it. If you can’t clear 25 percent of the relevant spaces, just do the best you can; your strong intention to create room for a new relationship is the most important factor. When you do connect with your new love, you can look for a more spacious residence together!
When you have met a “likely prospect” and want to nurture that new relationship, your key task is to ensure that your bedroom supports romance. This is a good time to get rid of any clutter blocking the path from the front door of your home to the door of your bedroom. This will help keep the energy in your bedroom fresh and strong. In feng shui, the symbolism of what we see is very important, so make sure your bedroom says “romance” in some way. Focus on these areas: 1) what you first see when you enter the bedroom; 2) the wall across from the foot of the bed; 3) the relationship area of the room (the right-hand corner on the side of the room opposite the door, and/or the SW sector). Just about anything that means romance to you can be appropriate feng shui imagery for your bedroom. Traditional romantic symbols such as hearts, cupids, and pictures of happy couples always work well, as does a faceted feng shui crystal hung in the relationship area or over your bed. Look for opportunities to group objects in pairs, such as placing two pink or red candles or a bud vase with two red silk roses on your bedside table. Pale green is also a good color for new romance.
Although these simple steps are just a few of the many ways you can use feng shui to improve your love luck, they will do a lot to shift the energy of your home. As your environment becomes more welcoming to romance, your own energy will shift as a result. When you are clear in your heart about the kind of love you want, and take action to welcome it into your home, your dream of lasting happiness with a wonderful partner really can come true.
About The Author
Stephanie Roberts is the author of “Fast Feng Shui for Singles: 108 Ways to Heal Your Home and Attract Romance”, now available in ebook format at http://www.fengshuiebooks.com and in paperback at Amazon.com or your local bookseller. For more feng shui tips and information, please visit Stephanie’s feng shui website at http://www.fastfengshui.com.
Technorati tags: feng shui relationship love energy