When you’re searching for your Mr. Right, I want you to pay close attention to his laugh. It may seem odd for me to say that, but you can tell a lot about a man by his laugh. Real laughter is uncontrollable. For just a moment something strikes us as funny and the sound of laughter pours forth spontaneously and without any real control on our part. It bubbles up and gives away the secret part of us that thinks the event or situation presented is funny. Laughter can be faked, but that’s part of what I want you to analyze when you’re listening to his laughter.

First of all is his laughter real or fake? You can always tell when someone has one of those completely goofy laughs that nobody in their right mind would choose to have — those silly sounding laughs that cause everyone else to laugh too. You’ve also heard those completely fake laughs that sound like a bad actor in a Dudley DoRight play! Most people have fairly normal sounding laughs and they are spontaneous. If the guy you’re interested in fakes his laugh occasionally to laugh at a small child’s attempt to tell a joke, that’s okay. But, if he fakes his laugh on a regular basis, I would seriously question his overall ability to present his authentic self to the world. You may or may not feel like analyzing why he’s faking it, but it’s important to note if he’s presenting a false joviality to the world on a regular basis.

Does he laugh easily? I’ve met a few men who had serious anger and violence issues. They don’t laugh easily. Also, guys going through depression and other darker emotions obviously aren’t going to laugh as easily as someone who’s naturally happy and at peace with his life. The brooding silent type may seem sexy for awhile, but in the long run, you’re going to want to have some lightness and fun in your life too. It gets to be a real bore to hang out with someone who’s always incredibly serious and entertaining darker thoughts.

Does he laugh at people or with people? Nobody likes to be made fun of, but this has more to do with what your man finds as funny. Does he find humor in ridiculing others? Does he laugh at others because everyone is incredibly foolish or stupid in his eyes? Is he constantly critiquing people looking for a reason to laugh at them? It doesn’t matter how witty or funny his presentation, it’s not a good sign if your man takes his personal pleasure in laughing at others. You also don’t want someone who constantly makes himself the butt of all jokes either. I’ve always found an underlying self esteem issue when people spend a lot of time making fun of themselves. That’s not the same as being able to laugh at ones mistakes on occasion. I’m talking about habitually devaluing one’s self. Also, is he able to find joy in someone else’s jokes? You don’t want someone who only laughs at his own jokes and nobody else’s.

Does the sound of his laughter fill you with joy? Listen to the actual sound of his laughter. Does the sound make your heart go pitter patter? It doesn’t matter if he sounds like thunder on a summer day or if he giggles like a little girl! What matters is that his laughter is infectious and makes your heart lighten. Imagine coming home from a really bad day at work. Upon entering the house, you hear his laughter coming from the kitchen. Does that sound lift your spirits? Or infuriate you even more? You want to be with someone who’s laughter makes your heart sing. Laughter is the best medicine and you want to chose a man who’s laughter heals your weary mind.

Do you laugh at the same things? Yes, you want to be your own person with your own interests and your own unique sense of self, but you also want to share good times with your partner. You need to pick someone who has a similar sense of humor to your own. There’s nothing worse then having your partner roll their eyes like you’re so uncool every time you burst out laughing. What determines a person’s sense of humor is wide and varied, including upbringing and level of education. If you share the same overall sense of humor, chances are that you are fairly compatible in those areas. You’re somewhat on the same wave length.

Do you laugh at the same time? You want to pretty much agree on when is the proper time and place for goofing around and making each other laugh. If he likes to crack jokes and laugh a lot during foreplay and you find it to be a total turn off, then you’re going to have problems. If he keeps laughing at your girlfriends when you’re trying to have a serious conversation, then you’re not going to get along so well. This also works in the other direction. If you’re the one who is constantly laughing and joking and he’s the one getting upset that your timing is inappropriate, then you’re not going to like hanging out with a fuddy duddy. Compatibility shows itself in little things like timing.

If you’ve already got a guy and you’re considering spending the rest of your life with him, start watching his laughter. Decide if the things you see are what you want in a lifetime companion. If you don’t have a man, imagine sitting at the kitchen table over coffee and hearing his laughter at something witty you’ve just said. How would it sound? How would it feel to be in his presence when he was laughing? Look for a man who’s laughter heals you rather than grates on your nerves. And make sure you both laugh together and often. It’ll get you both through the tough times.

About The Author

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, soulmates, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to http://www.TomorrowsEdge.net.

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I was married for 21 years to a man who enjoyed strip clubs, drinking, and his buddies. These things became important to him after we married, and part of his job as an undercover cop. He often brought home pictures of himself with strippers to show me.

Throughout our marriage I took care of our two children, the household, and worked full-time without a contribution from him beside his paycheck. I tried to talk to him because we never spent time together, he did not support me as a wife and mother, and I needed more from him as his wife.

Things did not improve. They continued to deteriorate . Our marriage relationship ceased to exist. Months before I left him, I tried to talk one more time and told him, “If this is all there is, I don’t want any more.” All he said was, “Stop crying and come to bed.”

Seven years ago, when our children were 20 and 17, I left him. I felt they were old enough now. They would better understand that we did not love each other and I stayed because of them. I was also tired of being verbally abused on a regular basis by my son.

My children could not understand my feelings. I was and still am seen as the villain for destroying their “family.” Even though I was on my own at the time, my ex-husband told my children he caught me in bed with someone, which was very destructive of my relationship with my children. He also told them that my best friend and I were lesbians.

Neither story was true. To this day my son thinks I was unfaithful to his father and keeps inferring that is why I left and that his father had no fault in the divorce.

I eventually met a wonderful man, and we have been happily married for two years. I love him more than anything, and he loves and respects me like I’ve never been.

Rachael

Rachael, Harry Chapin’s song “Cat’s in the Cradle” is about a son who follows his father’s not-very-good example. One day, after the father talks on the phone with his son, the older man has a realization. He says, “As I hung up the phone it occurred to me, he’d grown up just like me. Yeah, my boy was just like me.”

So you stayed for the children, and you wound up with a son like your husband. All blanket rules have exceptions, and the exception to “stay for the sake of the children” occurs when the other parent’s example is a detriment to the child.

As a police officer, your former husband knows better than to destroy a mother’s image in the eyes of her children. His lies reveal everything about who he is as a person. Unfortunately, staying bolstered your ex-husband’s assertions. How bad a husband could he be if you stayed so long? That’s his argument.

Your son’s perceptions have been twisted by his father. He may be trying to win his dad’s praise by torturing you, or he may be manipulating you into trying to win his love. Or perhaps he is simply acting out of defensiveness. He may think, if mom stayed with someone who abused her because of me, that makes me complicit. I’d rather believe dad’s story.

When we do something we believe is wrong for the benefit of others, we cannot expect things to turn out well. A mother teaches a girl what kind of woman to be and what kind of wife to be. A father teaches a boy what kind of man to be and what kind of husband to be.

In Harry Chapin’s tune, the son says, “I’m gonna be like you, Dad. You know I’m gonna be like you.” That can have wonderful results or disastrous results depending on who we are as parents.

Wayne and Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

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Two days ago, purely by accident, I found out my husband was a member of an online sex and swinger service. I unintentionally opened his e-mail, thinking the computer was logged on to my name, not his. After a minute or two of deliberation, I used the password to log on to the site to see what he was doing. I almost threw up when I read his profile and found he was actively seeking women and couples for extramarital sex.

Yesterday, I became a member of the site, set up a fake profile, and contacted him. I think I was hoping he signed up as some kind of joke at work to see who would get the most replies or something. Today I got his reply. He wants to get to know me better and see pictures.

I am going to play this out and see how far he takes this, but I already feel betrayed and cheated on, even though it is with me! We’ve been together for eight years, married for six, and have two very young children. I never even thought of him cheating on me before this.

Olivia

Olivia, contacting other people for sex is not a lark. Your husband is doing something covert which may end your marriage.

If you confront him with the thin evidence you have now, he will tell you this is the very first time he did this, he is sorry, and he doesn’t know why he did it. Our response is, perhaps he doesn’t know why he gets in the car and drives to work, either.

Now your husband is thinking about this “new” person. He is hoping she e-mails pictures. He is thinking about how he will conceal her from you. He is plotting it out in his mind.

Don’t expect to ever know the truth from him. The truth is of no advantage to him. In the many letters we receive, the betrayed party feels they never learned the entire truth.

If you pursue your quest for information, you will want to know several things. How long has he been doing this? How many partners has he had? What kind of precautions has he taken, if any? What does he tell others about you and your relationship?

At some point you will tell your husband what you know. The more you know, the fewer excuses he can offer. He may fall back on the betrayer’s standard excuse: it’s your fault.

We don’t allow for that. You don’t cheat. If you have problems, you talk to your spouse. If you are going to get involved with another person, you end your marriage first. Anything less permanently destroys trust in the marriage.

Wayne and Tamara

Jumping The Gun

My husband and I used to work for the same company, which is how we met. A group of us from work played on a dart league. I had no interest in him other than friendship. My relationship eventually ended, and his marriage was ending. I was not the cause of his divorce. A year before I came along, he told his wife all he was to her was a paycheck.

This woman tells their children I am the tart who broke up their marriage. Will she ever take responsibility for the problems in their marriage that caused the breakup? It takes two, and I wasn’t one of them.

Bianca

Bianca, when the police fail to read a suspect his rights, the verdict may be thrown out on this technicality. Your husband got involved with you before his divorce was final. That allows his ex-wife to say, “It was the other woman.” Your husband committed a procedural error, and she’s decided to argue the technicality.

If you had waited until his divorce was final, things would be different for all involved. History can’t be undone. That’s the problem.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

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So you want a soulmate do you? Okay not necessarily something that big and cosmic but ‘happily ever after’ would suffice just fine. Maybe you have somewhat of an idea the type of person you’re looking for and you want to place your order with the cosmos - ‘one true love meant for only me, please and thank you.’ Let me ask you this - are you ready? Are you worthy? Do you have the freedom to fall madly head over heals in love? Have you made a space for that one true love to fit so beautifully nested into your life? Don’t be foolish and assume that all things will just naturally fall into place once they show up. Come on now, you know better than that. Life doesn’t play like that.

The rules of manifesting dictates that you have to make room for that which you are wanting to attract into your life. You know that two things cannot occupy the same space. When we want new clothes, we have to first clear out the old ones from our closets as part of letting the universe know that we are making ready a space for that new wardrobe. Nature abhors a vacuum; something will come to fill that space. The closet never stays empty for very long does it?

So have you made a space for your beloved? Are you single and free? Free to fall doesn’t just mean that you are technically not dating or married. You can be married to your job, your hobbies, your workout routine, your children, your pets, your church, your parents, or the memories of someone you are no longer intimate with. You can have these things in your life and walk within balance knowing that they are not the one true love that feeds that place in your soul that only a romantic partner can fill. However, when you replace the love of ‘happily ever after’ with your career or with parenting, then you have given your beloved’s special place away to another. You are married in essence to that which has taken the place of a strong romantic bond.

Are you married or involved with someone else while calling your soulmate to you? Perhaps you want your new love to rescue you from your current situation. Perhaps you feel too vulnerable and afraid to be single until the right one comes along. Perhaps you are simply selfish and don’t want to do without someone in your life. Whatever the reason, you want to create a new love before leaving the failed relationship.

It’s no good. You are telling the universe that you do not trust it to provide you with real love. You are also telling the universe that you are not strong enough to hold up your end of a relationship. If you cannot show integrity towards the one you are ending with, then how are you supposed to be honest with the new one? If you are not strong enough to be single and walk alone until the right one comes along, then you do not deserve your soulmate’s presence. Soulmates are not magical healers and fixers of life. They are your twin soul. They are you in a second body. If you are not strong enough to wait for that one, then you cannot have that one.

“Okay,” you say, “then just give me a really nice person that I can happily spend the rest of my life with. You are right, I’m not all that strong and I’m not really able to be alone for any length of time. So, just give me a very nice person that’s not quite a soulmate.” Relationships created in desperation, need, and greed very rarely work out. What you’ve just told the world is that you’re desperate and anyone will do. And that’s what you’ll get, anyone - not the one. You must be romantically unattached when you begin your search for love. It’s karma, it’s trust, it’s morals, it’s only fair.

And what of your overall worthiness - are you worthy? This is not a beat yourself up question. Imagine that special person is alive and real flesh and blood person out in the world searching this very moment for ‘happily ever after’ just like you are. Are you the kind of person that you would spend time searching for? If the person meant for you was indeed your perfect match, what would they look like? How would they behave? How would they feel and respond? Look into the mirror my friend - are you what you are looking for? Until the person you see in the mirror is worthy of your love and attention, then you will not recognize your twin soul. For they share your essence. Become the type of person that you would want to find and in so doing so you will become the kind of person that your rightful partner wishes to find. Now you will be able to recognize each other and accept each other. Trust me, there is nothing worse than finding your soulmate when you are both screwed up and dysfunctional - intense and ugly, rather than intense and beautiful.

If you want to call a magical cosmic kind of love into your life, then you must look at what your life is now. Is it inviting and warm? Would it nurture or challenge true love’s growth? Are you ready, really ready? Is the space in your heart, in your life, in your bed where only one’s most treasured beloved belongs cleared out and available for them to lay their weary head once they do find you? My father used to tell me that he had pockets sewn all over his heart and each of us had a special pocket in which nobody else could fill. Is the ‘happily ever after’ pocket of your heart big enough and ready? Is there space for real love in your life? Are you free to fall?

About The Author

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.

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Whether you caught him in bed with the local bimbo, dumped him for being an uncaring twat or he’s run off with a woman he met online, you’re probably feeling angry, resentful and wanting revenge.

Revenge may be sweet but before you dive in head first, ready to present Mr Up-For-Mongrel-Of-The-Year 2004 award with his well earned payback, take some time to consider the sour taste that humiliation, physical injury and a criminal record might leave.

There’s nothing unusual about wanting to trash his beloved car, throw a brick through his window or lace his food with a laxative but there are other ways to go about things that are far less likely to bounce back and hurt you.

Believe it or not, the best thing somebody seeking revenge can do is to get on with the lives and be happy. Think about it - as long as you’re giving him enough brain space to be plotting all sorts of revenge plans, he’s still winning; still controlling your thoughts and actions. Is he really worth it?

Whether he left you for somebody else or you kicked him out, he’ll still want to believe that you’re missing him. After all, if you’re not, that means you didn’t really need him during the time you were together, doesn’t it? Imagine what he’d feel, knowing that you’re having the time of your life and that if anything, either his leaving actually did you a favour or that you must have been batty not to have wanted rid of him earlier. You won’t be breaking any laws; you won’t be landing anybody in hospital and your own sense of pride will remain intact, but when it comes to his self-esteem, boy will it get a knock!

But what if I’m not having a ball?

Good question. Let’s just say that you don’t need to be a leading figure in your local Amateur Dramatics group to be able to give the right impression to those you need to enlist as unwitting aids. Next time you’re talking to somebody that knows him, make sure you mention the new guy you’ve just met and how much fun you’ve been having together. Yes, even if you haven’t met anybody and aren’t particularly having fun because this is all about having him believe he was easily replaced. Or, if that doesn’t feel comfortable, let them know how life as a singleton came as a breath of fresh air enabling you to pursue all sorts of new avenues instead of sitting at home with him, eating crisps and watching the telly. Believe me, word will soon get back to him and unless he’s the caring type who wouldn’t wish any hurt on you, he won’t like it.

Supposing he IS the caring type?

Ok, let’s say he is but you don’t care for what he did to you and still want revenge. What now? Hit him below the belt, that’s what. No, I don’t mean put your steel toed Doc Martin’s on and point them at his groin, I’m talking about sex.

We all know how important it is for men to believe they’re ‘performers’ and if there’s one thing that’ll hurt more than anything else, it’s having people question his abilities in the bedroom. Don’t rush out spreading rumours. though - it’s important you go about it the right way. Telling every Tom, Dick or Harry that he’s a closet cross-dresser or that he’s had all sorts of sexually transmitted diseases isn’t the way forward. Everybody knows that the woman scorned will be feeling bitter and will quickly guess that you’re looking for revenge and what’s more, they’ll probably end up laughing at you for being so petty. Trust me, you really don’t want that kind of humiliation on top of what you’re already feeling.

What you need to do is keep it low key. Wait until somebody asks “Do you miss sex now that you’re alone?” or something similar and just shrug and give them one of those “why would I miss something that’s crap?” kind of looks accompanied by a nonchalant “not really”. That kind of thing’s far more credible simply because it doesn’t appear as if you’re deliberately being malicious. Everybody loves a scrap of juicy gossip and if sex is involved, it’ll spread amongst his friends and acquaintances quicker than you could get your stockings off.

Whatever you decide to do, don’t do it while anger’s still governing your actions. Breaking into his flat to leave prawns rotting under the fridge may seem like a good idea at the time but will it seem so good when the little old lady opposite tells the police that she saw you climb in through the window? Keying his car may seem like a simple, effective revenge tactic but do you really want to get landed with the bill if you’re caught? And before you march into his favourite watering hole to pour beer over his head, stop and think about how humiliated you’ll feel when people start thinking “I’m not surprised he left her - she’s barmy”. And please, please, please - don’t stalk! When anonymous emails/text messages etc start arriving everybody will know who’s behind them and you’ll be the victim of ridicule. Wait, get on with your life and see how you feel about it later. You’ll probably be glad you played safe.

All in all, just going about your business and enjoying life is the best form of revenge you could ever inflict on him and what’s really great about it is that you’ll be getting on with your own life, meeting new people, learning new skills and having a ball whilst you’re at it. What could be better?

~~ ~~ ~~

About The Author

Sharon Jacobsen is a freelance writer originally from East London but now living in South Cheshire, England, with her partner, however many of her three children happen to be living at home at any given time, and the family dog. To contact Sharon please visit http://www.sharon-jacobsen.co.uk

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Do you want be in a relationship that brings you deep fulfillment and love? Or perhaps you want a more satisfying connection with that one person already in your life? Would you like to have a deeply rewarding relationship with yourself?

From a Vastu perspective, if your home is not in proper balance, those things that you desire most in life can elude you causing sadness, disappointment, and lost opportunities. Relationships, like other areas of your life, can be compromised when your home is not in balance with the natural forces that permeate the world and our Universe.

In nature all five elements (earth, water, fire, air and space) are in balance. When building, very little attention is placed on the importance of creating a structure that benefits the well-being and happiness of the inhabitants or that brings in support from solar and magnetic energies.

Have you ever experienced walking into a home that made you feel uncomfortable for no apparent reason? Or entered a home where you felt wonderful and relaxed? It is the subtleties in our world that have great impact on us. Some people are attuned to the environment and can sense this harmony or disharmony more readily. But for most, we are not as aware of the impact our surroundings have on us. We are conscious of the symptoms of disharmony - unhappiness, stress, arguments, and discontent, but rarely if ever do we consider that the underlying causes could come from our environment.

Vastu Shastra is the architectural science that can create maximum harmony in a relationship through a unique process of balancing the five elements in your home. It allows for the beneficial energy to be readily available to support your desire for peace, happiness, and fulfillment.

Here’s how it works: As a part of this earth, we live in a sea of electromagnetic and stellar influences. Every shift produced in the atmosphere has the potential to affect our actions. Every particle of energy is linked to the next particle. According to Vastu, the sun produces different qualities of energy on its path from east to west and can influence our daily life. Each of the five elements is associated with a direction and each direction has a particular influence on us. Different aspects of relationships are most optimally supported in a specific direction. When there is stress caused by finances, sexual imbalances, overwork, inability to communicate, children, and health challenges, relationships do not thrive.

The northeast area of your residence is associated with the water element and influences the growth of your relationships. The northeast is good for entrances. If this area has proper Vastu, your finances will be good and this aspect will have a positive affect on your relationships. If there is a toilet, a missing corner, clutter, heating or lighting systems, or blockage in the northeast, growth of your relationships will stagnate. If your bedroom is in this area, there will be a lot of tension.

The southeast area of you home is associated with the fire element. The southeast influences the energy needed to have lively relationships. Kitchens, heating and electrical systems work well in the southeast. If this area is balanced according to Vastu, there will be passion in your life and relationships. If there is a cut or blockage in this area, your relationships will suffer. If the master bedroom is in the southeast, there will be quarreling.

The southwest area of your residence is associated with the earth element. The southwest influences the stability of your relationships. The optimum place for the master bedroom is in the southwest. Whether or not this is possible, having your bed in the southwest area of your bedroom with the head of the bed on the south wall is very beneficial for positive relationships. If this area has proper Vastu, your relationships will be very solid and grounded. In this area, if there is a missing corner, toilet, or heating source, there will be some obstacles to your relationships.

The northwest area of your home is associated with the air element. The northwest influences the ability to create and communicate. Toilets and guest bedrooms work well in the northwest and support mental stability, attraction, and clear communications. If there is a missing corner, no windows, or very little space between your home and another building, there will be mental instability, poor communication, and a lack of attraction between people.

The central area of a residence is associated with the space element. If this area is open there will be good communication in relationships. If there is clutter, toilets, a kitchen or no open space in the central area of a home, there will be disagreements.

As you can see, stress can occur within your environment that can impact your life. This can be easily remedied by having a Vastu analysis done on your home (or office). Vastu Creations will help you create balance and harmony in your home and life.

About The Author

Michael and Robin Mastro’s synergistic approach successfully assists people in living in peace and harmony with themselves and others, and in creating balanced lives filled with unlimited possibilities. Visit us at www.VastuCreations.com

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Annie waited too long to have that talk with her parents. It was too late to have it now as they were both beyond comprehending the seriousness of their situation. As a result, she had to break the bad news to a long lost brother, and deal with her resistant parents who had convinced themselves that they were independent in their own home, while she had to make some very difficult decisions for them.

It’s never too soon to begin the discussion of aging. But if you have put it off, ease into that conversation as soon as the first, what may seem minor event occurs which indicate a loved one’s independence may be in jeopardy. Since it is difficult to begin such a talk, here are some suggestions which may help:

use another family’s situation or news story as an example or starting point.

cut out an article or an ad as a reference point.

ask questions at a family gathering, but keep it light.

plan a family meeting with the agenda known by all beforehand.

Starting the conversation with “I” statements ensure that you will not sound accusatory and lets your feelings come through. For example:

I am worried…

I feel…

I am concerned…

I have noticed…

Engage in a conversation, taking turns, instead of talking at others. Use questions:

What things concern you?

What do you want to do about…

What do you want to do when…

Conveying love and concern is important. Sometimes an outside person can have more influence than those in the immediate family. Be patient. If the first attempt doesn’t go well, keep your sense of humor and try again at a later time.

About The Author

Linda LaPointe, MRA is an ElderLife Matters coach and author of several products to assist families experiencing aging including the pamphlet, Don’t Be a Burden: 100 Tips. Get free articles and information at www.SOSpueblo.com.

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Chapter one

Some stuff from the history of the question

Let’s say from the beginning that under the title “Russian Woman” we will keep in mind all the ladies, natives from CIS countries, former territory of the Soviet Union with the population in hundreds millions people equal approximately to the modern population of the Unite States of America. So, when the big country in the other hemisphere collapsed in 1991 and was transformed into small independent national republics, hundred millions people, grown in the similar social formation, were left with one and the only inheritance - Russian language as a dowry, which used to unite them all, and as a sequence - the similar Russian consciousness. And undoubtedly, minimum half of them were the women, with the different destinies, different life experiences and carriers but with one similarity - national and demographical tragedy, which in the changing epoch like with the scythe mowed strong before men. The biologists proved that the evolution is built the way that the women accept the lessons given by the stresses, preparing their inside genetic to mutations. And the men who are not able to overcome the stresses or even in resistance to stress are dying. Survivors will become only those who are able to be adoptive to the evolutionary transformation. Only they will plow the new seeds for the next generations.

So, minimum hundred million of educated women of reproductive age was left in the demographic lane. Of course, some of them were lucky - they had the beloved one’s, husbands or just boyfriends. But there are appeared the huge groups of those who had lack of men, because all - the best and the worst of them were already occupied. Of course, those women, left without personal life can stay in the long turn of waiting, sacrificing their women’s destiny to the good luck chance. But better for them were not to wait the wonders, but to make the miracles with their own hands. So the glances of former compatriots, Russian women with the expectations turned towards the western, including American, men. Among those women were the natives from Ukraine and Byelorussia, the proud ladies from the Caucasus and Central Asia, the pale blonds from Baltic countries and the natives from the depth of Siberia. Although it may seem strange but the two different continents were pushed to each other and mutual communication with the economic crises and instability in the CIS counties. And the developing of the Global System of Internet was quiet a bonus to this entire plot. If, for example, this demographic crises would happen hundred of years ago, it is possible that the sequences of the wearisome wait of the financers from overseas will be doomed to failure. Because there were only the big ships which cruised between the continents and the high-speed planes were not invented yet. But in the modern days when all the cherished desires may one day come true, there was destined to be establish the bridge of integration and cultural penetration of nations and nationalities through the foreign marriages. Or the inventive God once again decided to mix us from the times of Babylon tower, with so different experiences, languages and genetic databases? Or may be the powerful Universe once again make experiments with us, mixing it genetic cocktail?

So, all the huge and strong like the ocean wave, human masses, pushed out from their regular nests of habitat by demographic and economic crisis’s, supposed to be targeted near the shores of the new continents and this happened. Statistics of the past 10 years showed 75 thousands foreign brides only from Russia. And, it’s four Russian speakers per day, settling only in USA, not covering the other countries. Impressive picture, isn’t it so? For example you are woman immigrant who are already here, trying to learn the grammar rules of the new language, to get used to the culture of the new country and the same time as if to support you there are coming dozens the others like you, with the same transformations in the private and social life, which they are going to be faced here. They come not alone - with one child or several. Potentially they come with relatives, parents (although it is only in one from ten cases). But what I want to say that the population of such great country as America will increase due to so called “Russian natives” from CIS, coming here day after day for already more then 10 years. And this process will continue…

I cannot say what is the randomness of statistic, but according to our famous Russian Internet forums in America (for example like www.well.com.ru) and taking in consideration the migration processes from the Eastern European countries, we can suppose that during the last decade half a million people left from their home lands in all directions. Of course, no all of them landed on the American shores. But the fact is that in USA subsided three and a half million of coming and going Russians!

Chapter two

To show and to be seen!

It’s proven already by the public opinion that the Slovenian women are smart, attractive and tolerant. Their beauty they got from the natural mixture of nationalities, which from old times took place on their territories. And in the century of democratic changes when the private property was forbidden like in the times of socialism, so no property issues determined human’s life’s, people fell in love, married and went to build the big industrial cities of the past days with their beloved one’s. The children born from such marriages, as it known often occur to be beautiful and strong, so we can say that at least something positive the social formation did for the people deprived from the private property. Those who have nothing to loose at least have the right for sex choice with the assurance that the state will take care about yours child future - give the free room in the hostel and free kinder garden. This way the increasing of growth of population was stimulated. The social formation make people sure that all the children will grow together and become like brothers. This nicest slogan of the socialism are still in memories of all those who sit on the same school benches and was taught with the similar school programs with obligatory ten years secondary education.

Why Slovenian ladies are are smart? First of all because their parents were married run by the real love feeling not by common sense based on property issues. Second, because the education even in colleges and Universities in Soviet Russia those days were free of charge. It means that if you want to study, have the patience, and habits, skilful enough and wishes and desires to be educated - just do it with no pay needed! There appeared the new class old days estate Russian society - the Soviet intelligence. Brought up on the best traditions of the world culture and on the samples if classic literature and heroic deeds of the ancestors, those people were not only alive screws of the system, they created the unique contest of the social consciousness, which was reflected in the movies, which biggest fans we all were in our childhood and even now. If you want to pull the rope connecting the hundred thousands of our people into the generation, in order to understand what the cultural contest is used to be, just name please for example comedy of Gaidie “The adventures of Shurik or the operation “I”". In order to understand the humor of one nation you need to be born and grown in this surrounding. Or to spend actively in the new one not less the ten years! My colleague from Moscow University who lived in the United States now for more then 12 years, actively works and studies here, once in private conversation told that only after 10 years in the new country she start to grasp all the jokes of the American nation and laugh on them too. And we discuss the epochs and their influences…

Regarding the question of why our Slovenian women are the most tolerant or patient, I’ll tell that they poor girls overcame so many things in the short period during only one century like wars, crises and revolutions that the life willy-nilly made them tolerant. As in the proverb: “For one beaten they give two unbeaten one’s”.

Chapter 3

Let’s make aquientenance in the United States!

So, women came to boundless, spread on the three time zones country which is although tighter then the one they once used to belong, which was prolonged for 7 time zones to start new biography as a fiancee, wife’s, daughter’s of the religious immigrants, or the refugees who were given their political asylum, or just those who came here on the worker’s visas. They are numerous. The life will filtrate all of them in the one melting pot. But while the years are passing by who knows where they will plug their roots… And even if from the three millions living here in the US Russian speakers what we may called “available” for the local secondary market of the Russian fiancee will be even 10 percents - it will be already huge army in 300 000 people, willing to find their new women’s destiny (if not found already). Or even if we would take into consideration that their availability amount is much smaller, for example like 1 percent, it will be nevertheless 30 000 Russian women, the potential Russian brides and wife’s! And of course to whom as if not for the naturally born on this land Americans will they give their best chances and preferences to select and be selected!

Chapter 4

Where to find them?

The target for those who decided through the different motives to join their destinies with the ethnic Russian woman is not simply could be aimed. To reply on this question they should have known the friends from the same original language sphere as their potential brides. Because you cannot slow down every attractive face for aquientenance with the same question: “Tell me please, do you have Russian roots?” In order to get positive reply on this question one need to be lucky, like the majority of the readers of this story, specially born to find the happiness with the legal immigrant from CIS.

So, let’s give several directions leading to satisfy the preliminary reader’s attention. And further on it will be like in the child’s song: “One brick, then two bricks will be the ladder.” So, installing the compass in what direction to move the insistent reader and sticking to the Russian idea American sooner or later will enter this market of brides. Of course, there does exist also the primary market of Russian brides. It means one may go to the historic motherland of the Russian women, where you will have no need to ask every lady you will fond of, what is her language and roots, because the reply would be cleared even without this in advance. And we will describe it later on. And for now - let’s make an exact scheme.
Let’s imagine that you, readers are elderly man, who will soon get retired or is already retired and your private life with the strongly independent American ladies due to some reason did not settled. You already somewhere heard or probably has seen in your friend’s sample that Slovenian wife is good- spirited nice housekeeper, economic and not demanded woman and charming personality a plus. And you want to bite the fruit from this tree of knowledge. How and where you can find one? To fly overseas - it’s too expensive and your health probably will not allow. Beside those horrors that the press describes about the third world do not encourage you? And how to make the things easier, and as they joke in far places “not to fly to Odessa through Vladivostok”? Actually the distance between these two cities in the other hemisphere is equal from continental US to Hawaii.
Waiting for reply - here I am with it like the mistress with the hot pancakes. First of all inquire the Russian wife of your friends or neighbors if you have such, she will with pleasure tell you if she had alone nice girl friend or attractive woman relative with good character on her motherland, willing to be married. And - oh, wonder - the miracles happen! You will have no need to move far. The fact the Slovenian kindness drives them to make happiness of her ex-colleagues (so, such ladies for sure will be educated), old friends or even far relative. Even if such women from the beginning will say you that they could not remember those who want to be engaged, they may call you week after, amazing you that they actually remember one or two girls. Then do not hide your joy and write down the address, telephone, e-mail, or any other contact information with the help of which you may contact with such potential fiancee. Internet in CIS (former Russian) countries is functioned from long ago but with the regular access to Internet and personal computer can boast only few selected one’s, according to statistic one from thousand. So, get ready to establish telephone connection and buy in advance cheap telephone cards in Wall Mart, where one minute talk with CIS counties will be not more the 15 cents, and in big cities it will couple of cents- cheaper then long distant calls inside the US.

So, about the legend of how to be introduced through personal aquientenance we already have been heard. Let’s dig deeper and wider into the roots of this issue. Comparatively peaceful, painful and practically gratis way of getting aquientenance with Ukrainian, Moldavian and other Russian-Slovenian women - is Internet. But not the dating agencies which will sock out dozen of dollars for the face you like to contact, but so called Russian immigration sites and forums in America, where often the information in two languages is given. The brightest example is www.russianwomenabroad.com and www.russianwomenmagazine.com. Through this Russian Women Internet Periodicals in USA there is direct way to the secondary market of Russian brides, and you, completing you portfolio can put your ad and picture over there with no payment. The same scheme with hard copied newspapers or magazines with the small difference that you need to make small payment. For example “Was waiting for you all my life”… If you are very lucky by nature you will get your aim already in the first case- inquiring Russian wife’s of your friends about their friends left in CIS and ready for marriages. If you just lucky guy you can fish you purpose from the Internet forums and free dating option over there. And if the life did not reward you, even born in such blessed place like US neither with first not with second qualities, let’s go further on and try to catch the bird of success by its colored pheasant plumage.

Chapter five

Going to Russia

According to the American legislation, in order the fiancee from abroad could obtain visa to States, to the US embassies overseas should be presented photos of the personal meetings with the future couple as a proof. And so-called “Chinese” variants like the “fiancee through correspondence” will not work out here.
…Thus after you honestly keep the membership of the dozens of marriage clubs, specializing of the searches of Russian Brides, spent a lot of time through electronic correspondence, bunch of money for the telephone communications and small presents to the potential selected few, there are started your starry hour, when you ignoring your old ulcer and the warnings of the doctor are packing the beg to go to the unknown, mysterious and frightening world with the name CIS, for the stable and comparatively cheap stuff like Russian Bride! I’ll tell you first of all - leave you fears at home - the bear’s slandered last time on the Moscow Red Square in the eighteenth century and besides on the chain, when the moving circus visited the place. Modern Western Europe is civilized and the only gap in this flourishing in between stylish buildings is the lack of regular hot water in the hotels. But in this case you may work out new rule - to wash the face with the cool water or just to rent instead of hotels the fashionable apartments in the private sector, where there are used boilers for heating water. And the only incident of the immediate disappearance of the hot water could be the disconnect of electricity. But the same thing from time to time happen even in our American house, when during the storms the trees fall, breaking the wires. And as everywhere the special services should be called to settle the problems. May be in America this works only a little bit faster. On the other hand in Russia (including CIS counties) the real stimulus for these services to make their job quickly may become the financial stimulus (from twenty dollars and up, depending on the complications of arousing problems). In general so called “stress tourism” is very useful for the organism and increase the immunization factors.
So, you are with the beg filled with presents and the fours or better five digits balance on your credit card are staying in front of the door where your potential fiancee lives. Let’s hope that after so many efforts and expenses you finally will get your good luck bird, just exact what you used to dream about in your house in the depths on the neglected American territories. If not, you will probably come again into the Russia, Ukraine, and Byelorussia, Moldova or CIS Baltic countries. Some of the men with the help of agencies arrange so called “marriage tours”, other resolve this issues different way, spending for these purposes from several thousands and up, depending on your financial possibilities and the requirements of your soul lady. Let’s imagine finally the lady you were looking for is found and ready to chare your life plans. What to do further on?…

Chapter 6

Documents and headaches are closely connected…

After the 11-th of September the background check of your future sweetheart by security as well as others who are entering the United States may take months. How to jump into despair waiting for you future wife, and keep you feelings fresh? There are several variants. First of all is to follow all the instructions on the US embassies sites concerning preparing documents for entrance (their web-addresses easy can be found through search engine on www.google.com). They can be as follow: notarized papers that each of you is not married for the current moment, the divorce papers from the previous marriage if you had such. To the fiancee taking the bride to his country for permanent living the proof of financial competence. Sometimes the references from psychiatrist that the man is in healthy mind and responsible for the decision-making and steps he is taking now (smile, please). The woman should hurry up and translate into English and legalize the references from police department in her home country that she have no criminal record - of course what country want to have such people? And that all her children from the previous marriages are released by their biological father from the home country and is blessed for the new life abroad…
If both can’t wait to get married and the immigration paper procedure is still hanging, couple can get married in the home country of the fiancee (one of this exotic marriages in CIS), preparing to this several other documents like references about health conditions and the absence of Aids. And then lady can restart to put papers in order like the legal wife and enter US in this status. It means that in the port of entrance she will be taken fingerprints and get employment authorization stamp. And all the legal papers like residence card will come in one month by regular mail. And you will economy time for the visit in INS offices.
If your lady will come on fiancee visa you could marry according to the local rules and tradition in the United States in the local Court House or in Church in 30 days and fill all the documents for changing her status by yourself, using the new, very well done Immigrations site on www.bcis.gov which will allow even to the novices in the legal fields to find the ends and to straighten out in the narrow corridors of paper procedures.

Chapter seven

How to replant the Russian wife to the new life?

Of course, we choose in CIS not the worst women, visa versa we choose the best of them! We put an eye on the educated doctors, teachers or artists, scientists. And probably expecting them to have the same achievements in their carrier fields over here. But usually it does not go this way. Let’s take ideal situation when your fiancee or wife has no language barrier. And in the case if she has one? Language courses in the Adult Education Centers probably will not satisfy her intellectually, but the course of English as the second language in college may not fit you pocket expenses. Besides you will be faced the necessity to drive her over there regularly, because in her home country even if she use the car only in the quality of a passenger - public transportation is strongly developed in Eastern Europe. What to do? How to improve the language? How to overcome the shyness to speak in new language? Different families resolve this question differently. Some people if their language knowledge is good enough instead of intimacy with the partner will spend all the spare evenings with the books, explaining to the wife all the narrow places and all the nuances of language. Some, vise versa, have their own limited vocabulary of the words and phrases they use in the everyday life and cannot be helpful with this. My advice - take the wife to the library to pick up the audiotapes, because if the books give the vocabulary and sentence construction supplies, only the alive literary speech of audiotape novels with historic or modern everyday plots will activate her own speaking center and desire to express perfectly herself in the new language sphere. Pick up the novels of such popular authors, for example like Danielle Steel. And let her listen - at home in earphones, in the car while driving…

Ah, we forgot to talk about one of the most important besides language keys of adaptation to the American life - driving the automobile. Only, please, do not make fun from your forty years old spouse that she lives so many years without knowing how to drive! You personally did not drive from you child’s cradle! You were also needed many months of driving experience in order to make with no fear 70 miles per hour on the highway. Try to understand the fact, that when you were first taking driving lessons you were fifteen. And for the ladies after thirty-five it’s much more complicated to overcome the fear to make right parallel parking for example. So, it will be much better if your wife will come to the States already taught how to drive. Do not economy 100-200 bucks for this. While learning the main rules in her native language, the other practical skills she could take under your guidance, so after some time you can be proud of yourself as a teacher. So, the auto-courses and the English for the beginners should be taken primary in her home country (the prices varies from 200 to 500 dollars). It is the dowry, which your future wife can bring to you together with her education, common smartness, good housekeeping skills, kind heart, and flexible body. So, do not restrain finance on the first two one’s and the last one’s you will get as a bonus!

Chapter eight

What you’ll seed, the same you’ll harvest…

There exist one banal proverb invented by coming to US immigrants. “What is the guarantee period of the Russian wife?” Those who made up such guess, spiteful reply: “Till the first day of naturalization”. Relax; it’s only a joke! First of all because the citizenship your wife will not get shortly (it takes minimum from 3 to 5 years from her arrival, but in reality it takes much longer). Second, because if you are nice guy - no wife will leave you. And really, for what reason she should change you, if you are perfect? The Slovenian mentality reflects this in the proverb “Do not look for better when you have something real good”.

But if you are not so perfect, and sometimes mean, angry and greedy guy with the attempts to control everything, be ready for the conflicts in family from the beginning. And, please, do not try to scare poor girl that if she will act not like you wish, she will not get her green card. American law is the most humanistic law in the world and already took care so the humiliating slavery in human relationships will be eliminated once and forever. So if you guys are flying overseas with the idea to find there low to upkeep home slave bio machine with the sexy appearance, submissive and wordless, just stop now, fellow! Slovenian women are proud and although can be very patient for long, when the right time come may become very revengeful and proceed the green card without your help based on the fact of two years marriage. And on the spouse’s threatens and the attempts to forbid the contacts with the compatriots, to control the e-mail correspondence or eavesdropping the telephone talks, can sue you like for psychological abuse. And can leave you for shelter, where she can be taken care of, and will be legalized on her own in this country and you will be face the fact to pay plus for her the support money. This is the fact, because when you fill the papers to take your fiancee?e inside the country, you automatically guarantee her financial security not from public - from your pocket. So, be kind for this commodity and you’ll be rewarded with the kind and good housekeeper, lovely wife next to you. If you’ll try to be cheap, to practice family tyranny, you will not then even find out from where did your sweaty have such ugly “teeth of dragon”. I will explain the term. People, grown in the communal kitchens can defend themselves easily. Or as the old book says: “Those who plant the despair will get no faith. Who carry the joy will get the hope”.

Chapter nine

Or continuation of the adaptation

So, the time has come to look through couple of useful links. Educational Degree of your spouse can be evaluated by visiting the sites on www.ece.org or www.wes.org. Usually, the regular college in Eastern Europe with the five years program will be equal for Bachelors. Those, who had studied in European type of graduate school, will probably get local Masters. Not all American institutions are big fans of the international degrees even from the top colleges in CIS. Majority of good positions you may apply for only having the local type of degree. And if your wife is eager to study and you are ready to invest into her education to get in year or two local degrees, based on her credits evaluations from the previous school, do this. Nobody ever regret time and money invested into the graduate studies, because this piece of paper will feed your family all the rest of your life. Wherever you will live in future.

But to regret, majority will never learn in all the subtle differences the local language, and never will conquer the professional cliffs they used to climb in their old life. And for that they need to get ready in advance. Many women change their occupation. The school directors in the past become the substitute teachers; qualified doctors go to the medical nursery. Who likes what, tastes are different. A lot of women closer to their fifties with the poor language simply go for the part-time cashier’s positions, or become waitresses in the restaurants, or the hotel cleaners. Although this work is not simple besides not creative and very bad paid… To stand for 5-7 hours and keep attention is not the easiest job to do, so nobody gets the easy bread.

Those are luckier who used to deals with arts in their motherlands and can draw or play musical instruments. Americans, especially young, are very sensitive to the arts, that’s why they can probably have the clients for the private lessons - with the payment from 20 to 40 dollars per hour, depending on qualification and the State you are living in…

Chapter ten

Or the cultural adaptation

it’s not a secret, that Russian women are very communicative. Before coming here most of them lived or studied in the big cities. So, let your new wife to make friends and over here, help her to find access to the cultural places like museums, exhibitions, theaters and art galleries. Do not prevent her to explore this new for her world and the adaptation, which usually takes from half year to year and a half, will pass smoothly…
Russian tales usually finished with the thesis, “And they live together in a peace and a harmony many years!” Slovenians know how to love, to be faithful and thankful for the man who proposed for her the place near his oven. Hope you’ll settle your life. And peace for your house on many years!

Vita Steel is the author of the popular ebook THE RUSSIAN DATING BIBLE, wholesale encyclopedia of online international dating services. This book is available at http://russiandatingbible.com

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If you’re asking yourself that question, then somewhere within you there must be a desire to forgive the other person. After all, if you knew 100% for sure without doubts that you definitely should NOT forgive, then you wouldn’t be entertaining the question, right? You would have already said your goodbyes and would be moving on with your new life and licking your wounds. You may or may not have trust issues in your future relationships depending on how you processed the infidelity in your past. But what if you are struggling with the question? What then?

The first thing you need to look at above and beyond all else is the cheater’s character. Do they have a history of cheating on their partners? Do they have a history of cheating on you? Are they too self-centered to deny themselves whatever pleasures come along? Are they well meaning but weak? Unless someone’s incredibly ugly, they’re going to face temptation some time during their life. Saying no is all about having backbone, willpower, self-discipline, and the ability to truly care about another person’s feelings. Does your partner have all of those traits? If not, then forget it. Move on.

Let’s assume for whatever reason that you have decided that yes your partner has the ability to be faithful and this was a one time indiscretion. You now need to look at why they did what they did. Motivation is more important than the act itself. If you know why they cheated, then it’s possible to avoid having the same triggers repeated. Were you emotionally and physically distant for so long that you may as well have pushed them into finding love elsewhere? We are a love hungry species. Our spirits die when we do not feel loved. The body will follow. You’ve heard of the old couples who die within a short time of each other. You’ve also seen the studies they’ve done with the baby monkeys who don’t thrive and grow without their mamas. It’s the way of us to seek love. That’s our supreme motivator. So look at what caused the infidelity. If you can honestly say that yes you were completely loving and supportive and they cheated anyway, then you may want to consider walking away from them. If they give you some other reason that makes absolute sense to you and you can truly see it as a forgivable reason, then so be it. Forgive them. If they don’t have a reason that makes sense to you, then don’t forgive them.

The next thing to evaluate is what is at stake. What kind of a life have you built together and what does it mean to you? Do you have children together? A long marriage? A business and material wealth? What if you don’t think you can trust them and yet you will lose everything that you do love by leaving them? That’s something that only you can answer. Is the money, the marriage, the children worth a lifetime of being cheated on? You decide. Maybe it’s a marriage of convenience anyway and you really don’t care where they sleep. Then it’s going to be much easier to forgive them then if they are your one true love and your emotional health is at risk by having your heart shattered.

As you know, there are plenty of reasons to choose not to forgive and forget. But what if you have created a long beautiful life together and your partner is a wonderful parent to your children? What if you feel just as much to blame for the infidelity because you had pushed them away for too long. What if they had made an honest effort to work things out with you but you just kept pushing them away? What then? Just because you want to forgive them doesn’t mean that you can forgive them. How do you forgive and forget? The bible may tell us to turn the other cheek, but how? How do you do it? There’s a big difference between saying, “I forgive you” on a generic spiritual level and saying, “I forgive you” on a personal heart to heart level. The key to real forgiveness must involve trust. At some level you have to really believe in your heart of hearts that you can trust this person to never ever repeat such a painful choice again. If you don’t really believe that, then you aren’t really going to forgive them and the underlying resentment will eat away at whatever is left of the foundation of your relationship.

I believe that the most important barometer of how easy or hard it is to forgive is how they behave after the event. Do they browbeat you with comments like, “Look I said I’m sorry. Get over it already.” Or are they beating themselves up for having caused you this pain? Are they offering to jump through hoops to prove to you that they have learned a horrible lesson and will make damn sure it never happens again? The intensity of their apology and their willingness to allow you to feel the pain of it will have a direct impact on your ability to heal from the infidelity and on their ability to rebuild trust in your eyes. If they demand that you simply trust them on their word and they have done nothing to show you that they are taking full responsibility for the broken trust, then leave them. It’s not your fault that they broke the trust even if you were not emotionally available to them, the breach of trust was done on their part. You can’t force yourself to trust someone again. Just like when our teenagers lie to us and have to earn back our trust, it’s no different between adults whether the trust was broken in a marriage or a business relationship. It’s their job to recreate that. They need to find their own way back.

About The Author

Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow’s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, and parenting. Her books and articles have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. After years of high heels and business clothes, she is currently enjoying working from home in her pajamas. To read more of her articles, sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, and get free previews of her books go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.

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How do you react when you are faced with spending another weekend alone because nobody has invited you to do anything with them?

Do you mope around the apartment, hoping that the phone will ring, and wishing that somebody, somewhere, will call to invite you to do something?

Just because no one has invited you to do anything with them, doesn’t mean you have to spend your time alone feeling lonely, depressed or bored. You can actually make sure that you fill your spare time with activities that you really enjoy. And you can take steps to create a better social life for yourself.

Many people who don’t have a very active social life, punish themselves further by refusing to do the things they really enjoy unless they are with someone else. Does this happen to you?

Do you tell yourself that you could never go to the movies or the theatre or have dinner by yourself because you can’t enjoy yourself without a partner?

Maybe you’re a person who loves going to gourmet restaurants, or to live theater, or action movies, but you never go to these activities unless you have someone else to go with. If you don’t have a partner to go out with, you just stay home.

You might think you can’t enjoy your favorite activities if you’re alone. Or you might be worried about what others might think if they see you alone in public.

If you have convinced yourself that you cannot enjoy any of your favorite activities if you do them alone, your attitude will create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you go out alone, and then spend the whole time thinking how terrible it is that you don’t have somebody with you, then no matter how great your meal is, and no matter how funny the movie that you see by yourself, you will still go home miserable.

But notice that in a situation like this, it’s not the fact that you’re alone that is causing your misery.

Your misery is caused because you are telling yourself some very negative thoughts, and letting yourself believe that they must be true. When you let critical negative thoughts fill your mind, your emotions will follow where your thoughts are going, and you will feel terrible.

The good news is that you don’t have to say anything negative to yourself at all! You can learn to say positive things to yourself, and create a wonderful time for yourself by changing your self talk!

Just because you haven’t received an invitation from anyone else, it doesn’t mean you have to stay home alone feeling sorry for yourself.

Decide to go out and do some activity that you really enjoy, and treat it like a special date - a date with yourself!

Don’t go into the experience telling yourself that you will have a lousy time. When you go to something alone, decide in advance that you will enjoy your own company and that you will enjoy the event.

Before you go out, take some time to relax and pamper yourself. Have a nice bath and play your favorite music. Put on attractive clothing that makes you look and feel good. Make the effort to visualize yourself having fun and enjoying the coming experience.

If you find yourself visualizing yourself feeling lonely and sorry for yourself, make a conscious effort to visualize yourself having fun.

While you are at the event, whatever it is, do everything you can to increase the enjoyment you get out ot it.

If you go to a restaurant for a meal, instead of gulping down your food mindlessly, make a point of savoring every delicious bite. Sip your wine slowly. Take whatever pleasure you can in the situation. Open up all your senses, and open your mind. Create the best time for yourself that you possibly can.

If you approach going out by yourself with a positive attitude, you will find that you can learn to enjoy solitary activities much more than you expected.

Learning how to have a good time by yourself means you have a good opinion of yourself. It means that you treat yourself well, that you create your own self esteem without depending on the opinions of others to feel good about yourself.

If you can learn to create pleasure and fun for yourself, you will be less panicky when you are faced with spending time alone. You’ll also become more confident, more interesting, and much more attractive to others.

When you are faced with the prospect of yet another weekend alone, you can also take the initiative to call someone you know and suggest a fun activity such as having coffee, or attending a movie. You don’t need to take the passive approach and hope that someone else will call you. If you spend your whole life waiting for the phone to ring, hoping that someone will call and invite you to go on an outing, you are giving up control of your social life to everyone else.

Why not take control of your social life? You can create your own social events and invite other people to join you. You can ask others if they’d like to come and watch television with you. You can invite people over to your place for supper.

If you don’t want to host an activity in your home, there are thousands of possibilities right outside your doorstep, limited only by your imagination. You can organize a picnic, an outing to the zoo, or a trip to the bowling alley. You can suggest a walk through the park, or a visit to a library or art gallery….A tennis match…..A tractor pull…..A concert…..A movie. It’s up to you.

You can invite people you know well, and you can include others you have only recently met. You can even ask your friends to bring some of their other friends along.

If you have never dreamed of initiating a social event on your own, is it because you are too shy? Do you fear rejection? Does the thought of initiating a social event seem terrifying to you? Is it just too different from the behavior you are used to? The more often you do it, the easier it will become.

Your social occasions don’t need to be big and complicated. You can start very small, with just one or two people. You don’t need to plan a big, exciting event, and it doesn’t have to be perfect! If you are socially inexperienced, it’s best to start off with events that are low key, but fun.

Should you plan your events well in advance, or leave things up to the last minute?

The right answer for one situation might not be true in another.

If you live in a big city with a fast bustling pace, and if everyone you know is swamped with too many things to do, then you will probably have to send out your invitations well in advance. Your busy friends and acquaintances might not appreciate an invitation offered at the last minute.

If you live among people who are more relaxed, who have very open schedules, in a place where there aren’t a lot of tight deadlines and time pressures, then they may be happy to get an invitation from you to go to coffee an hour from the time you call them.

If anyone turns you down, don’t spend even one minute wondering why those people are not coming! Just concentrate on finding those people who would love to spend time with you.

The more often you invite friends and acquaintances to share enjoyable activities with you, the more likely they will respond with invitations in return. They will even look to you for social leadership.

The real winner here is you. If you learn to create your own social occasions, and invite others to enjoy them with you, you won’t ever have to fear another boring, lonely weekend. You can fill your time with activities and people you enjoy!

This article is taken from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want - Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” Check it out at http://www.royanereal.com

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