Where on earth is my “play on words” taking me with this one?

I remember so well those taunting words.

“They told me to take a streetcar named Desire and then transfer to one called Cemeteries and ride six blocks and get off at Elysian Fields.”

New Orleans, Streetcars, Marlon Brando, Vivien Leigh and a film steeped in controversy and symbolism.

What, you may be ask, does the Tennessee Williams screenplay of “A Streetcar Named Desire” have to do with lifetime relationships?

I’m glad you asked. The answer may surprise you.

When the character, Blanche, made the above statement, although full of symbolism, her message was clear.

She had been on the “desire” streetcar long before ever arriving in New Orleans, and it had only taken her to a life of bewilderment and death (Cemeteries). Elysian Fields was the supposed place of “paradise” she so longingly sought. As the movie progresses, you soon discover that where this streetcar had taken her was anything but paradise.

Sound familiar?

Have you ever been on a streetcar like this?

Are you on it now?

Think about it!

The fires of passion and sex burn hot in the world around us. Chasing desire seems to be a common theme in the world today. Music videos, the Internet, TV shows, movies, magazines and books often have one common theme, the feeding of desire.

We have made sex more about recreation than relationship, and heat-scars abound as more and more get caught in the web of deception that chasing desire creates.

What, you may be wondering, is a “Heat-scar”?

* Children disillusioned by parental infidelity - Heat-scar!

* Teenagers and College students buying into the craze of “Girls Gone Wild” actions being where body dignity is found - Heat-scar!

* The lonely and heart-broken housewife struggling to find intimacy and measure up to the blonde bombshells of her husband’s pornography enthusiasm and addiction - Heat-scar!

* Women struggling to be valued by our culture as more than sex objects - Heat-scar!

* Men struggling so much with the strongholds of lust and desire that they can’t walk by a display of magazines without feeling the tug - Heat-scar!

And then along comes someone like me stating, “It is better to be wanted for a lifetime of nights and not just a night of a lifetime.” Along comes someone like me extolling value in the marriage union. Along comes someone like me with a message that “turning-on” may be elevated over and over again in the world around us, but “tuning-in” is where it is really at.

“Tuning-in” to the longing of the human heart for intimacy.

“Tuning-in” to the longing of the heart for companionship.

“Tuning-in” to the longing of the heart for love, acceptance, compatibility and oneness.

This is why I often say that a suggestive music video may awaken desire, but it does nothing to satisfy the cry of the heart for intimacy, love, acceptance, compatibility and oneness.

How about you? Is your focus in life and relationships more about “Turning-on” or “Tuning-in”?

Your answer may determine if you, too, are in danger of being burned by “A Heat-scar Named Desire.”

Stanley J. Leffew is the Author of, “How To Be Wanted For a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime”. His website is based on this same theme. Find out for yourself why leading-with-the-body in life and relationships feeds desire but fails to satisfy the longing of the heart for love, companionship and intimacy by visiting http://advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com.

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A social support network is a group of people who you can count on to support you. They may be the first people you call when something upsetting has happened, when you have a difficult decision to make, or when you have fantastic news to share. Some of the people in your social support network might be professionals and support you in very specific ways (i.e. your family doctor or your life coach), and other people in your network you might live with or be in contact with every day.

First, let’s talk about why social support is important and why it matters to your self-care. Research has shown that a lack of social support (isolation) can contribute to an ongoing state of chronic stress, which will negatively impact your immune system and put you at risk for dangerous conditions.

Now, what can strengthening your social support network do for you? Social support can improve the functioning of your immune system, protecting you from disease, and it can increase your vitality, decrease your stress and improve your self-esteem.

WHAT MAKES A SOCIAL SUPPORT NETWORK SOLID?

STRENGTH - Make sure that you’re not counting on one or two people to provide all the support you need. That can be hard on them, and on you (if they’re suddenly unable to be there for you). Reach out regularly to several people.

VARIETY - Similarly, having many people in your support network gives you access to their different skills, perspectives and experiences.

COMMON GROUND - If you’re dealing with a particularly difficult challenge or have a very specific goal, then finding and regularly interacting with others in the “same boat” can have extremely beneficial results. Whether it’s finding out how others have handled a situation, or sharing some of your experience, groups like this can be a great boost to your self-care program.

SOMETHING TO REACH FOR - Make a point of building or strengthening your relationships with people who inspire, encourage and support you, and who empower you to grow and to be your best self. For instance, someone who is very committed to his or her own self-care will inspire you to make positive self-care choices. And someone who is very loving and supportive will help you to feel good about yourself.

5 WAYS TO NURTURE YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK

1. Call or write when things are good as well as when they’re not. Sharing your gratitude and appreciation can help to deepen your relationships and will also intensify your good feelings.

2. Be open to new people. You never know when someone new is going to come into your life or the unique gifts they will bring. I believe that sometimes we’re meant to connect with certain people only briefly - so instead of thinking, “I don’t have time for a new friend,”, go with your heart and get curious about what you can learn from interacting with this person.

3. Offer to help. Whether it’s people you know or people you haven’t met yet (i.e. through a volunteer position), helping others can be a wonderful boost for your own self-care. AND remember that YOUR self-care still comes first!

4. Live by the Four Agreements, as created by Don Miguel Ruiz - Be impeccable with your word, don’t take anything personally, don’t make assumptions and always do your best. For more information about the Four Agreements, visit http://www.miguelruiz.com/agreements.html.

5. If you don’t feel like talking to anyone, talk to someone. Sometimes we choose to be isolated. It can be really difficult to reach out when we feel like this. Do it anyway.

It’s important to remember that your social relationships can also have a negative impact on your self-care. Unspoken truths, unintentional sabotage, or continuously taking on the role of care-giver can all add stress and affect your commitment to self-care.

So instead, nourish your positive relationships and keep your social support network strong and working for you.

Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, is the author of “The Everyday Self-Care Workbook”. To find out more about the book, or to receive one of her free monthly newsletters, visit http://www.genuinecoaching.com/resources.html.

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