A revelation came to me at the most unsuspecting time. During one of the most mundane things I do in my structured and routine lifestyle, while reading my redeye on my daily commute home from the city. A seemingly average man sat next to me on the train and asked if this was the train to Lemont. I assured him it was and went back to my business. He was of acceptable appearance in my opinion, and honestly resembled most of my ex’s, trouble I know, so I continued with my reading and kept my head phones on. Just as I suspected before our stop he struck up a conversation that lead to an invitation of a drink at one of the locals a block from the train station.
As we walked he told me his story, he was traveling from Sacramento to Boston to visit his friends and family and on the way back fell into some trouble that lead him to an extended stay in Chicago’s roughest neighborhoods, and seediest areas. I was intrigued by his adventure and the after work cocktail turned into dinner. Being that I am grounded in reality, I knew that after this evening I would never see this provocative character again. This never at one time through out the evening struck me as distressing. I enjoyed his company and his opinions on life, his experiences where fascinating.
Another unconventional portion of my evening was that I never worried about my appearance or how I conducted myself. I was more myself than I could remember being around any man in my past. It wasn’t that I was under the impression that this was purely on the friendship tip, I knew the second he smiled at me on the train that he was interested. It was the fact that I knew this was a Chance meeting of two souls just passing through that freed me from the pressure and pretences of traditional dating. Our time together was brief and enjoyable, and a pleasant memory I will always have of the traveling man who picked me up on my mundane commute home from work on a random Thursday evening in late May.
This chance encounter also made me think about dating in it self. Why is their so much pressure and drama involved? Why do we feel we need be and act a certain way to continue seeing some one? Men and woman alike carry on these stressful and tiring facades during the first stages of courtship. Why is that? Eventually our authentic self has to come out, or we just break up with out that revelation and start over. Are we afraid of our true self? Do we feel inadequate and unworthy of being who we really are? Why would we want to attract a man interested in something we are pretending to be? How disappointing is it to find out that the man we adored was simply a representation of his true self? A slick salesman of a company we really didn’t want to make any business deals with.
Withholding information until a certain amount of time has passed is one thing. You defiantly don’t want to share your past relationship scars on the first few dates, and you probably want to leave out most of your annoying secret single behavior until your stocks have matured. So many of us take it to the next level by covering up our true selves or in some cases completely masking our individuality for another’s approval, what is the point? I have learned through experience that the physical flaws are usually the last thing most men are concerned with when the moment of unveiling occurs. For the most part, in my vast experience, men are too wrapped in the moment to be concentrating on any of your “problem areas”. So generally it is our personalities and mannerisms that we are most avidly concerned with. If the true goal of dating is to land a life-time role, or maybe even just a mini-series, why play a role other than ourselves?
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Every person that thinks something is amiss in their relationship wants to know, what are the signs that my partner is cheating on me. Well guess what! These signs can leave you with more doubts than anything else. You’ve seen some. Shoot, if you’ve subscribed to The Injured Heart you’ve even seen a list of signs on this website. I included them as a thank you for subscribing to my newsletter because they can be beneficial and get you thinking about things you might not have thought of. However, some of the lists that I’ve seen both here on the web and in magazines has just left me with a hundred more doubts. My husband spends a lot of time on the computer. Does that in and of itself mean that he is cheating on me? Also, just because he may increase the amount of time he spends on the computer, does that mean that he’s cheating on me too?
Do you see what I mean by these lists creating more doubts. Here’s the thing, you know what you marriage is normally like. Do you notice changes? Do things appear to be different than they were? Is this just because the two of you are settling into a comfort zone and allowing your relationship to slip or is it something more?
As I said, you know what your relationship is normally. How far from normal do you think things are right now? If you feel that things are way off base in your relationship then they probably are. That does not mean that your partner is cheating. It means there is something wrong and you need to figure out what that is. Is it on your end or your partners end? Try to open the lines of communication with your partner! Many, many affairs happen because partners stopped communicating.
Don’t just use the lists that are circulating out there! They are not concrete signs that tell you for sure if your partner is cheating. Their useful purpose is in the fact that they get you thinking!
Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about the website or Brandi, please visit Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about the website or Brandi, please visit http://www.marital-matters.com
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What would I do without my wife? Not much. What would I do without my
best friend? Even less.
The story begins a long time ago. I kick myself for not remembering the
exact day, but it doesn’t really matter. It was back when I was about 22 or
23, or so.
I started working at this gas station near my home in New Jersey. This
happened to be the place where I would meet a few key people that
would help to change my life. At the time they didn’t have a clue.
I was working at the gas station during the day. One job led to another, a
young lady by the name of Liz informed me that the auto parts store she
worked for was looking for drivers. I went down to apply, and later got
the job. Liz and I became friends and chummed around for a while. She
was a good friend to talk to, and unfortunately I don’t see her much
anymore.
I was working two jobs then, things were looking up, though I was
working like a dog, days at the parts shop and nights at the station. Not
to mention building my airbrush and graphic design experience on the
side. Keeping busy kept me out of trouble anyway.
The other person who helped me along is a fellow named Roger. He
worked as a mechanic at the gas station and we got along great. We
have many fond memories of the station, some that live on to this day. It
was during this time that I tried my first home-brewed beer.
Roger has been a blessing in more ways than one. Like Liz, he’s easy to
talk to, and a good listener. I often wonder how someone could have so
much patience for a guy like me, prone to babbling. And not even casual
babbling, I’m talking the deep murky stuff!
Roger has been through some tough situations in his life and has
helped me through my own struggles. We talk about a lot, and every
time we get together it’s like a mini celebration. Cheers! A celebration of
life because here we are, all these years later, still together, still alive,
and still learning about and enjoying our world.
Roger and I share an avid interest in the neat things the world has to
show us, and we like to think, to ponder. Through my website (and that’s
thanks to Roger too, keep reading) I have the opportunity to share some
of those neat things, and thoughts, with you.
I’m telling you, back when I was single I was struggling to stay afloat,
Lord knows where my money went. What 23 year old male has his
priorities in order? Only the ones who have it together, and for some of
us it takes longer to gather ourselves. It was tough paying rent, car
insurance (which was very expensive for me in my early 20’s, you know
those “high risk” drivers), a cellular phone bill (because I had to be cool),
paying down credit card debt, and putting food in my mouth. I didn’t have
many pennies left over. I ate a lot of rice and Ramen Noodles in those
days. You could get 4 packs of Ramen Noodles for about buck. I was a
thrifty shopper, had no choice.
So, there I was in my one bedroom apartment, built around the back of a
pizza shop and a hair salon, convenient for quick dinner and a hair cut.
No girlfriend anymore, I had botched that, and my parents had retired to
North Carolina, my sister and brother-in-law followed. I was alone.
I had one visitor every weekend though: Roger. He’d stop down and
we’d have a few beers, talking about various things. It was nice to have
someone to chat with after a week of being alone. Don’t get me wrong, I
was involved with a musical duo and playing out every so often, but my
band mate and I didn’t get together much outside of the music.
Sometimes, we did, but Roger was around every weekend. We just had
more diverse conversation.
We could do and talk about anything. Computers, photography, music,
including our favorite old bands like Genesis, Yes, and of course Rush.
We could talk about books we’ve read and exchange them. Roger often
brought his laptop computer down and we’d network our machines and
share files. Just fun geek stuff.
In short, since this thing is getting pretty wordy, I guess what I’m trying to
say is that we should identify, and hold dear, those who influence our
lives. Those who help us to change, especially if it’s done inadvertently,
because they are being a true friend.
Without Roger, who helped me purchase my first modem, and
introduced me to website design among other things, like home-brewing
beer, I wouldn’t currently be a professional internet graphic designer,
with a great batch of home-brewed beer to enjoy.
Without Liz I wouldn’t have had enough money to make ends meet. It’s
because of her that I landed the second job which helped pay the bills
Without John, my partner in music, I wouldn’t have experienced the fun
and fulfillment of writing songs and performing to a live audience. I
wouldn’t want to keep writing and performing without friends who
appreciate and support it.
Ultimately without these people I wouldn’t have truly understood the
meaning of “good friends.” I’d still be stuck in my “rut” and not seeing the
true possibilities in my life.
We need friendships to guide us, to help us grow and learn. And we
need to be friends to our friends. There’s enough bad stuff in this world,
let’s not add to it. Let’s try to chip away at the rough exterior and smooth
things out. One friend at a time.
Drew Vics, an artist, writer and musician from New Jersey, writes for http://www.Myeyez.net, and for other websites online.
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