SHHHHHH, don’t tell anybody, but, I know the secret.
It all started with a simple shopping spree. I had decided to surprise my wife with a new purchase of special clothing essentials from every man’s dreamiest of feminine wardrobe stores.
Yes, it was Victoria’s Secret.
After spending a few hours there, I mean, a few minutes, something became very apparent to me. It was very obvious to anyone with a trained eye and the gift of observance. It became very apparent that I was the only man in a store mainly comprised of women who was shopping alone.
At that moment, I could sense it. Obviously, I was Ted Bundy, Osama Bin Ladin and Sadam Hussein, all rolled into one.
Now, I’m being humorous, but every man who has embarked upon a shopping mission such as this can empathize with me.
Should I get cotton? Should I get satin? Should I get silk? What about lace? Of course, you have to touch the cloth and check the size to find just the right purchase, which causes even more feelings of suspicion as you lift each garment from the table it is displayed on. “I sure hope they don’t think I’m some kind of pervert”, I remember thinking.
After several, seemingly unapproachable moments, a young lady decided she would close the chasm that existed between us and, sheepishly I might add, ask if I needed some help. In this store where every piece of clothing is practically of an intimate nature, she assisted me in finding the sizes I needed.
Through all my humorous discomfort something began to dawn on me. While I didn’t go in on a mission of finding out what Victoria’s Secret “secret” is, I think this experience may have disclosed it.
Stay with me a few minutes and I will share with you what I think.
It is something that seems to have been misplaced in our desensitized sexually liberated culture.
THE SECRET
Let’s say that someone walks up to you and hands you the keys to two different cars. One of those cars is an old Subaru Justy and the other a brand new Ferrari. Do you think you might handle the Ferrari a little different than you would the Justy?
Of course you would, we all would.
We would probably wash the Ferrari a lot more. We would probably make sure the Ferrari was garage kept. While we may let just anybody drive the Justy, the Ferrari would be virtually unattainable for anyone to drive.
What’s the difference?
VALUE!
We always treat differently what we value.
That, I believe is Victoria’s Secret, secret. For years this franchise has made a living by placing high value on the female anatomy. You can’t experience a shopping escapade like the one mentioned above, see all the colors and the different fabrics designed to help a woman feel special, without seeing it.
THE APPLICATION
I wonder, have we cheapened the human sexual experience and personally lost the proper placement of value our creator has given our bodies?
When we show little concern about how we place our bodies on display. When we could care less about leaving anything to the imagination. When our mentors are the people showing the most skin.
Have we lost the issue of VALUE?
When program after program on TV reports teenagers engaging in sexual conduct with multiple partners on the back of a school bus. When high-school age kids are admitting to sexual encounters in the double digits before they graduate. When human sexuality is considered little different than an amusement park scream machine that anyone and everyone can ride if they wish.
Have we lost the issue of VALUE?
Remember, we always treat differently what we value.
Are we failing to value sexual intimacy and the bonding it brings to relationships? Are we failing to value the sacredness and oneness such an act produces? Are we failing to realize the lofty value our creator has given our bodies to be able to anatomically take part in the creation process?
The next time somebody who belongs in a kennel (Snoop Dog) or someone who belongs in a bag (Eminem), through music or actions tries to impress upon you that “Girl’s Gone Wild” actions are where body dignity is found, remember “Victoria’s Secret”. Your body has value, period.
The value you place on your body will be reflected in how you use it.
Stanley J. Leffew is the Author of, “How To Be Wanted For a Lifetime of Nights and Not Just a Night of a Lifetime”. His website is based on this same theme. Find out for yourself why feeding desire and leading-with-the-body in life and relationships fails to satisfy the longing of the human heart to connect by visiting http://advice-for-lifetime-relationships.com.
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Many people suffer from shyness, but for most of us, shyness is a minor problem.
We may feel somewhat shy when we are around new people that we don’t know, but after we meet them a few times, most of us find that our shyness soon disappears.
For some people however, shyness is an overwhelming and ongoing problem.
These people may experience overwhelming social anxiety in many situations, even when they are around people they have known for a long time.
Various psychological therapies have been used to treat extreme shyness, bur most of them have a track record of only limited success.
Those types of therapy where the person is encouraged to delve into past traumas have a very poor record of helping anyone overcome shyness or social anxiety.
The most successful approaches for shyness and social anxiety use some variation of cognitive therapy, or behavioral therapy, or both of these, combined with graduated and increasing exposure to the feared situation.
In cognitive therapy, the patient is taught to notice the thoughts he is thinking while he is in the feared situation. The client learns to challenge his thoughts to see if they fit reality. If these thoughts do not match the reality, the client is taught to substitute more realistic thoughts in their place.
Behavioral therapy aims to change the client’s behavior using a program of positive reinforcement of the desired behavior, and negative reinforcement of the undesired behavior.
Learning to use these new techniques effectively requires committment and practice, practice, practice!
Both cognitive therapy and behavior therapy focus on teaching the client to deal with situations and symptoms in the present. Neither form of therapy delves into situations in the client’s distant past.
There are many books that can teach the reader to effectively use cognitive therapy techniques for both depression and loneliness.
If your case is not particularly severe, you can often learn enough from reading a book and doing the recommended exercises to greatly relieve your symptoms of shyness or depression.
Dr. David Burns, one of the pioneers in bringing cognitive therapy to a wider audience, has written several very useful books and workbooks for the general public, including “Intimate Connections” and “Feeling Good–the New Mood Therapy.”
In the past decade, researchers have discovered that some anti-depressant medications, particularly the so-called SSRI’s (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors), can also be very helpful in the treatment of extreme shyness.
One of these SSRI drugs, Paxil, was the first to receive American F.D.A. approval as an effective treatment for social anxiety. In fact, ads for Paxil as a treatment for social anxiety have been marketed directly to the public, not just to doctors. Other anti-depressant drugs in the SSRI group are also believed to help in reliving social anxiety.
Does drug treatment for shyness really work? Some very socially anxious people have tried everything that regular psychotherapy has to offer, including cognitive therapy, yet they still suffer debilitating symptoms of shyness until they try SSRI drugs.
In some cases, the improvement in sociability after taking SSRI drugs can be swift and profound. This class of drugs seems to help the socially anxious person turn down the excessive volume of their inner judgmental thoughts.
If you are shy or socially anxious, should you take a pill to make you more friendly? There are pros and cons to be considered when deciding whether or not to take a drug for social anxiety. The SSRI drugs can cause nervous agitation, insomnia, weight gain, and sexual dysfunction, as well as many other less common side effects.
Not all doctors approve of the idea of using a pill to treat shyness. Shyness is a normal human trait, and some doctors and psychologists are concerned that this normal human trait has been labelled as a medical condition that now requires expensive drugs to treat it.
Because the SSRI drugs are relatively new, it is not yet known what the long-term effects of this class of drugs may be. Nevertheless, the SSRI drugs are very widely prescribed, particularly in North America, for depression and social anxiety.
In most locations it is easier to find a doctor who will prescribe SSRI medication to combat shyness than it is to find a counselor trained in the use of therapy effective in treating shyness disorders.
The difference in shyness experienced with drug therapy can be quite astounding, but it will likely last only as long as the drug is taken on a regular basis. When the drug is discontinued, the symptoms of shyness will likely reappear.
With the proper psychotherapy for shyness, the positive results are likely to be long lasting.
Many people who suffer from severe shyness or social anxiety experience the best results from a combination of drug therapy along with cognitive therapy used at the same time.
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