All long-term relationships go through a variety of phases. There is the initial dating and courtship and infatuation period. If the relationship continues, it settles into a more stable time of building a history as a couple. If children enter the picture, that is a new phase. Later, there is another phase of being together as a mature couple with the wisdom of experience.
We all know that it is possible to keep passion, romance, excitement and sexual intensity alive through the years, but we also know that many relationships settle into a kind of friendly (or not so friendly) roommate situation. Every relationship has it’s ups and downs, but there are tools that can keep passion perking right along. Here are 10 of them:
1. Be kind. I’m writing this on a cruise ship and it’s fascinating to watch people grouch at their spouses, then turn around and share a friendly smile with a stranger. We tend to take family and best friends for granted. A smile, a wink, just a moment of kindness goes a long way.
2. Be attentive. Paying attention to the details of life is important. Pick up your own trash, and pick up for each other. Put things away, help each other with the small projects around the house. These things are the currency of love.
3. Be gracious. Small surprises can create huge rewards in a relationship. I think of it as the “Martha Stewart Effect”. Taking a moment to put on a clean shirt before dinner, or using the good china, or cutting a flower from the garden and putting it on the table, are examples. All these things add color, spice, and graciousness to our lives.
4. Be patient. We all have bad days. It happens. When it happens to your spouse, be smart! Take the kids to the park for an hour, order Chinese take-out for dinner. Give him/her a break! This is the reality of life. Allow for it.
5. Be honest. Tell the truth about your feelings, and do it promptly and in a respectful, effective way. Share your disappointments and fears, but also share dreams, hopes, and gratitudes. Keeping secrets kills passion.
6. Be funny! Life seems to have supply its own stress and worry, but we have to provide the humor on our own. Share a joke, take time to tickle each other or rent a funny movie, and do it often. The couple that laughs together, often does other fun stuff together, too!
7. Be flexible. Over a lifetime, people change. Hopefully, your relationship will change and grow and mature with as you change. One of you will change careers, the other will change religions. One will have an illness, the other will make a mistake. Relationships either bend and flex with the winds of life, or they break.
8. Be generous. I’ve saved the best for last. After a survey of dozens of couples, the big 3 items that showed up over and over began with “give little gifts”. Surprise each other with flowers, candy, a card, or other gift. Do it often. Do it for no particular reason. Do it because you love each other and thought it would be nice to show it with a gift.
9. Be available. The second of the “big 3″ was “take time for each other”. Schedule time to walk and talk, go for drives in the country, go to dinner and see a movie together. Dozens of couples ranked time together as the most critical component in keeping romance and passion alive.
10. Be physical. This is about sensuality perhaps more than sexuality. Couples talked about the importance of scents, of candles and flowers and walks on the beach. They talked about making love, but mostly they talked about back rubs and holding hands, and creating memories. They talked about getting dressed up and going out, and they talked about skinny-dipping. They talked about being playful and finding their own way. You can do this!
Someone has said, “Life is what happens while you were making other plans.” Romance is about real life, not about dreams and fantasies of the perfect partner, someday on a Pacific island. Romance and passion are about taking time to enjoy the company of the person you love. Have fun. Do it today!
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‘Be yourself’, isn’t that what you’ve always heard? It
certainly isn’t ill advice considering what you are losing in
the long run when you adopt one of these fraudulent lives.
You may ask, what’s adding a little sizzle hurt any?
It’s not the extra energy that you bring to the table as long
as it’s your true personality. It is the egregious
transformation from you knowing who you are, to a
personality that you may or may not realize is fraudulent.
Whether you call it fake, phony, fraudulent, multiple
personalities or whatever, it pretty much adds up to the
same thing. It is not who you are. I know, I, not unlike
millions of others, had taken on the ‘Mr. Hollywood’
whenever a situation called for it and my color changed like
a chameleon to suit my environment.
Adolescents are always trying to one up each other in order
to cement themselves into an ever-changing social
structure. You may see it at the mall when a pack of
thirteen year old girls float through an area you are
shopping and their volume is much more accentuated than
that of 99% of everyone elses..
It is almost as though, since everyone else is always trying
to put on their respective show to the world that if you
don’t, you’re afraid you won’t stand out; you’ll be bland
and boring. When you’re not trying to impress the world
with your made up personality, you’re just that regular Joe
that you or anyone else will see as unique.
That mindset couldn’t be farther from the truth! In fact,
when you change your fundamental persona to suit your
environment, you not only hurt yourself with a lie, but you
lie to everyone you put this on for. It may be your friends,
it may be your family or both.
So what would happen if you didn’t put on your plastic
face everyday? Wouldn’t you be letting everyone down
who depends on that persona to entertain them, to make
their existence better? Wouldn’t you be lying again by
being you because you’ve always been lying?
This could not only ruin your social life, but possibly get
you fired because your boss may expect that outgoing
salesperson he first hired. All of a sudden, you want to be
you instead of the fantasy that’s magnetic, appealing and
irresistible.
I say change to be the real you, even if it does a lot of
damage. But what if you don’t know who the real you is
because you’re so stuck in this vacuum that breeds and
feeds fake? Then you need to do some serious “soul
searching”.
Ask yourself, what means most to you? Wasting precious
time being someone your not, or living your life true and
clean? To me, it’s a no brainer, but to others who dislike
themselves so much, this can be one of the most daunting
tasks ever.
Why is it so hard?
When you’re taking on this false persona, you feel more
secure because your natural persona, as you see it, is not
worthy. You’ve clipped its beautiful wings and kept it in a
cage so if it wanted to fly, it couldn’t, due to your own
suppression.
The most painful thought imaginable is that of the time
wasted. Most of the time, years can never be recouped. In
addition, if change towards your natural personality is never
achieved, your whole life just may be a lie.
Not only will you gain more respect from your family and
peers, but more importantly, you will always respect
yourself no matter where life may bring you. So make the
change, and don’t waste anymore life, it’s definitely not
worth it
How would this look on your headstone? He lived his life
as a lie, but what a great guy.
Don’t be that person. It’s never to late to make changes,
no matter how difficult change is. Because being true to
yourself as who you really are instead of what you think
everyone wants you to be, is absolutely the most self
empowering life you could possibly lead.
Not only will you gain more respect from your family and
peers, but more importantly, you will always respect
yourself no matter where life may bring you. So make the
change, and don’t waste anymore life, it’s definitely not
worth it
–by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com
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